I try very hard to be a nice generous person to everyone especially my friends. Everyday at school I am the same being nice, joking around, having a good time, and always giving to my friends when they ask for something (In all honesty I would give the shirt off my back if they asked.)and these actions make me feel good because I care about my friends and love to help and give, but sometimes (quite a lot actually) I feel as if my kindness is being taken advantage of by them and that even though I see them as my friends what if they don't see it the same way? I know this sounds kinda paranoid, but there is always the thought in the back off my mind that no one actually likes me at all. I hate to feel this way, but I just can't help it, I mean my friends are the all the real happiness I got in life and I would probably die without them. All I need is some advice on what to do about this nagging obsessive thought sitting on my mind like a cancerous tumor and why do I feel this way I mean I have no evidence to believe this I mean they are my friends right?
I know what you mean. It can be hard to be sure about the "strength" of your friendships unless you put them to the test! And by that I don't mean, being a dick to your friends on purpose or anything like that. It means being really honest with them up front about how much you care for them. Let them know, you appreciate them .. you wouldn't be the same without them, might not find so much joy in life without them. Tell them that. They might just tell you that the feeling's mutual!
Do people such as your family ever tell you "you're always so angry / bad-tempered"? I got a bit of that from my family. My natural anger was never promoted in any positive light. The goal was to repress it because it was simply "bad", which of course resulted in occasional outbursts. Even frowning was discouraged as it would supposedly leave ugly wrinkles on my forehead. However, my nice side was doted upon by adults. I think those 2 things were really bad influences on me as a child, leaving me a bit "socially impotent". If you're feeling a bit annoyed at the world, you could try putting on a frown. I find it quite therapeutic and random people just take me a bit more seriously. It's so stupid but it works for me. Your kindness probably IS being taken advantage of, at least a little. All that teenage boundary pushing "psychopathy lite" shit... Oh look, my best friend is soft. Let's see how far we can milk this cow before it runs dry.
Just recently I started being less guarded about my feelings with my friends. I'm finally learning how to be honest with them & tell the ones I really care about how much I care. It's hard to do because it's a really vulnerable position to put yourself in. But, I find it's been really beneficial. Start by talking to the ones you care about & trust the most. If you don't see someone as possibly being a part of life for a while (beyond high school, etc.) then I wouldn't really worry about whether or not they actually like you. Of course, that's easier said than done.
Trust me, I get what you mean. I was this way for a long time. I'm still extremely nice to people on almost every occasion but I can be hard or if I know I'm being taken advantage of, I tell everyone to stop. I was hurt pretty bad this way when I helped my one friend through all of his problems and the minute I needed help, he was always "too busy" or "didn't have time for a long conversation" at the moment. I eventually asked him face-to-face one time when we were hanging out and he just kept trying to dodge the subject. I got pretty mad as I was being taken advantage of, but I quickly turned it around for him and for everyone else. I'm nice to everyone, but I don't take crap anymore. I live by a motto, I like everyone in the world until I've met them. I won't judge anyone on everyone else's opinion and try to get to know them.
Some (or many) people will take advantage of people like you. I used to be like you, giving what I can to be accepted and liked. But I have been fucked over numerous times, and that made me reevaluate my attitude and those around me. I realized that people tend to do everything for selfish reasons, even if they don't seem to. Most of the time seemingly altruistic actions are only the means of winning somebody's goodwill or avoiding conflicts. Don't be a servant of others. If you want to know who your real friends are, just wait for a situation where you need serious help, then ask for the help of these people. 'A friend in need is a friend indeed' is so true.
There is a phrase that I often use "No good deed goes unpunished". Unfortunately, this is something that you begin to recognize over time and through experience. Thats not to say you should not be nice, it just reflects the assumption that you should consider lowering your expectations in regards to having the niceness returned in kind. Do it because it makes you feel good. If it is not appreciated, so be it.
