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Feeling overwhelmed since I found out I'm gay

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by eugenrand, May 8, 2015.

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  1. eugenrand

    eugenrand
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    Hi,
    I'm 19 and I've been questioning my sexual orientation for around a year and since a few months I finally arrived to the conclusion that I am gay. After all, I'm only attracted to boys. I often try to look at girls my friends say are hot, and pretend I'm attracted to them, but I feel no attraction, or at least it doesn't feel the same way it feels when I look at a hot guy.
    I haven't come out to anybody yet, and actually I'm not planning on doing so, but I'm ok with that and I'm ok with being gay.

    However, since I realized it's ok to be gay and allowed myself to look at guys, I'm having crushes all the freaking time! It's overwhelming, I never felt like that before! Sometimes I'm at school walking up the stairs during breaks and I see all the hot dudes at the same. I just get so confused and overwhelmed! If my brain had a CPU usage indicator it would just melt! :grin: I can't talk about anything at a normal rate, because a part of me is busy looking at them and the other part is busy making sure I don't get caught!
    Sometimes I also feel like a stalker: there's this hot kid that I see almost every day, and I just can't stop looking at him! I know when he comes out of his class and where he usually goes, and I can't help but be there at that moment so that I can look at that eye-candy! I feel really bad about it because he's also 4 years younger than me, and I feel like a pedophile, but I don't know how to cope with it!

    I feel like straight kids feel are attracted to girls since they're young adolescents so at my age they've already learned how to deal with it and how to behave when they see hot girls. But I never had the chance to actually deal with it because even though I did feel attracted to men, I would tell myself that it was just curiosity, that I needed to stop because I was not gay and suppress that feeling. I would try instead to find girls I was attracted to, unsuccessfully, and finding out that while I could have felt attracted to some of them intellectually, I was never sexually attracted to them.

    I really need help :help: have you guys ever felt like this before? I have no gay friends I can talk to. There are two people that I know are gay, but I don't feel like reaching out to them because it's known that they aren't able to keep secrets for themselves.
    I also don't want to talk to my family members. Aside from the fact that they're all homophobes except for my brother's girlfriend, I feel like my parents have always wanted to know everything about me at any cost, and I feel like they don't deserve to know this about me. It's my secret. I'd rather have them know from other people so that they clearly know that I deliberately decided not to tell them.
     
    #1 eugenrand, May 8, 2015
  2. Incredibull

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    Hey Nightmeow,

    Yeah, in high school I did the same thing staring at boys and "stalking" them ha ha. And that is completely normal just remember that they are people just the same. I never spoke to any of my crushes in High School because I was captain of the wrestling team and it would be a huge stigma to come out as Bisexual or at least I thought it would be, so I primarily focused on women. Who knows, maybe one of them thinks the same about you? I used the same reasoning for a while know that my sexuality is private and no ones business. I never talked about it and didn't feel the need. Finally a guy I was talking to pointed out that if I haven't shared it, it is possible I wasn't comfortable with it. Logically I worked out being gay every which way possible and found it perfectly fine. But, when I finally told one of my friends I was extremely nervous and a lot of energy built up inside of me. It was very strange talking about it first and then the more I did the more comfortable I actually became with it. Just know what you can reason and suggest to yourself what your comfort level is, it may not be what you think. Also, I think it would be better for you to share to your parents yourself rather than finding out by different means. Of course, at your own time. Make sure you have a place to stay if they kick you out. Finding out through the grape vine will probably set off more excitement and quick action rather than calmly sitting them down yourself. But, I don't know your family all I know is what I dealt with. Just honestly express yourself. Remove all social stigma and cultural/social obligations and just ask what do you want and try to find it and make it happen. At the end of the day it is your life no one has a say in that. Three years in the future would you rather take advantage of these opportunities or let them slip?

    Good luck!
     
    #2 Incredibull, May 8, 2015
  3. Connorcode

    Connorcode Guest

    Hey! I'm Connor and I'm 17.
    1. I'm new here and everyone is very welcoming so if you need help, there are people you can PM – even me if you feel like it. But, as I say, there are people who are open to being messaged just to have a chat and they are higher up on EC.
    2. Though I'm not having crushes on guys loads, I understand when you talk about being intellectually attracted to girls - I've had numerous moments of intense admiration and the like for a few girls. If the guys are anything like they are where I am (in the UK) they are all pretty pervy so don't worry if you are attracted to guys younger than you - hot guys are hot, fullstop - though don't get in a relationship with people that young; wait until you're both certainly out of any kind of potential problems with the law.
    3. Don't come out to your family - my parents challenged me one day, forcing me to come out: the moral is that anyone should be able to come out to whomever they choose whenever they prefer.
    4. Enjoy peeking looks at guys; I know I do!
     
    #3 Connorcode, May 8, 2015
  4. eugenrand

    eugenrand
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    Hi Incredibull, thanks for your answer.
    I don't think my parents would ever kick me out for that reason. However I don't trust them. I can't tell them how I actually feel, because I don't know what they're going to do with it. They won't beat me up or kick me out, but I'm 99% sure they'll judge me, tell other people and make fun of me in awkward situations.
    I'm planning on talking another person (adult) about it, that I can trust more than my parents. I know this person will not judge me because she's not judgemental, and she always says she's ok with gay people and that if her son would be gay, it wouldn't change anything.

    But as I said coming out is not the real problem for me: who knows me knows that I don't care about other people's opinion about me. I'll come out at the right time and to the right people, at the moment only two people that I know officially know about it.

    The real problem is how I feel with other people I like! It's really too much to handle, and I don't know how to deal with it.

    ---------- Post added 9th May 2015 at 12:18 AM ----------
    Thanks Connor, I like your answer :slight_smile:
    About point 4, I feel like I peek too much! Like this morning, I saw this hot guy and immediately started staring at him. I don't know how he did because I was behind me, but he noticed and started looking back and I had to stop.
    I just don't know if I'm being creepy, a few times I acquired their names somehow (sometimes I had people tell me with an excuse, sometimes I just looked through the Facebook friend list of some people I know are friends with them) then looked through their entire facebook or instagram profile watching their pictures and drooling.
    Do you think that's too creepy? I know some straight people do that, but I still feel weird about it...
     
    #4 eugenrand, May 8, 2015
  5. Chromedome

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    I agree with what you said about being overwhelmed with boys lol. Being gay isn't fully accepted everwhere and some places more than others. So you kinda feel like a boythristy vampire :badgrin: surrounded by young sexy boys but you can't reveal yourself.

    I'm 17 and i'm still in this phase because I'm not in a lgbt tolerant society so it's worse for me. Becuase people assume most people are straight, they are comfortable around the same gender so I use they as an opportunity to talk to cute guys because they'll be clueless.:thumbsup:
     
    #5 Chromedome, May 8, 2015
  6. eugenrand

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    My answers aren't showing up for some reason...
    My culture is also like that: people assume you're straight and sometimes even make fun of gays by acting gay with other guys, aware that the other person knows they're just playing. That makes everything worse for people like me as I can never tell if somebody's acting, if somebody's not acting because they don't like making fun of gays, if they're actually gay or if they're not acting that way because they're actually gay and don't want people to find out...
     
    #6 eugenrand, May 9, 2015
  7. whatdoIneed

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    Hey I just came out to myself at 47 and feel like a I'm suddenly noticing cute guys left and right. I think it's kinda like now that I've accepted my sexuality I have to go through adolescence again. yikes!
     
    #7 whatdoIneed, May 9, 2015
  8. Incredibull

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    I totally agree with WhatdoIneed. I have grown to be very witty, calm, and collected with women. But with guys I am back to the butterfly holyshit this is happening moments. Pretty exciting and brings me back to jr. High.
     
    #8 Incredibull, May 9, 2015
  9. WhiteShadows

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    I think it's pretty normal to be noticing cute guys once you accept yourself. I think about 99% of my attention while I walk across my University campus is occupied looking for cuties hahaha.

    Are there perhaps any lgbt youth groups in your area? That might be a safe place where you can meet other lgbt people and talk about your sexuality. Or perhaps you have some close friends who are accepting that you could come out to?

    I hope it works out for you :slight_smile:
     
    #9 WhiteShadows, May 10, 2015
  10. eugenrand

    eugenrand
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    Lol :grin:
    No there isn't any lgbt group, but I'll be going to college soon in a big city, I'm pretty sure I'll find at least one there :slight_smile:
    I have a few friends who say they accept homosexuality but I'm pretty sure they'll treat me differently (like pay attention to every word they say so I don't get offended, I don't want that to happen), so I'd rather have them think I'm straight but I'm not looking for girlfriends.
     
    #10 eugenrand, May 10, 2015
  11. Schloss

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    LOL. Prize sentence of the day. Molto adorabile lil BOI! :kiss:

    If you say that those people you're around don't have a problem with homosexuals, then I think it's best not to hide it that much, because you would be giving them a more accurate representation of gays: by giving them a face behind the idea, and that's very important I'd say. :slight_smile:
     
    #11 Schloss, May 10, 2015
  12. eugenrand

    eugenrand
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    :grin: lol :grin:
    That's true, but I don't want to be the means of changing their ideas :confused:. I know their ideas probably crooked somehow and made out of prejudices and stereotypes, but I don't feel like showing them they're wrong. It's not my job to change people...
     
    #12 eugenrand, May 11, 2015
  13. medic

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    Completely identify with this! I started coming out to myself when I was 19 and, like others said, it was like going through puberty but for real this time! Lots of others say it freaked them out but I loved it haha. Finally understood the concept of crushes. Loads of fun. I'm 21 now, full out, and it has cooled off a bit. I don't get really big crushes and feel really comfortable. :slight_smile:
     
    #13 medic, May 12, 2015
  14. eugenrand

    eugenrand
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    Thank you guys for answering my thread :slight_smile: :slight_smile:
    You made me re-think about my crushes and I'm feeling more comfortable about them :slight_smile:
    You made me understand that they're normal and it's ok to have them :slight_smile:

    Thank you so much!
     
    #14 eugenrand, May 12, 2015
    Last edited: May 12, 2015
  15. fortune

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    You're definitely not alone in this. I first started noticing girls (I'm a lesbian) when I was turning 18. It was as if suddenly I understood the way my friends felt towards the opposite sex. Before that I had always assumed that romance and dating wasn't really supposed to evoke any real emotions or desires.

    But once I started accepting my feelings, they rushed in. Every day, I fell in love with a dozen new girls that I saw around. It's less extreme now, but it still feels good to be able to feel so strongly. :slight_smile: Congratulations on coming out!
     
    #15 fortune, May 12, 2015
  16. eugenrand

    eugenrand
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    Hi, I just wanted to let you know it's getting better, I'm now managing to tame my feelings, they don't feel overwhelming any more :slight_smile:
    Also I met another gay guy and we're almost boyfriends (he still has to break up with his ex boyfriend but he's stuck). I also came out to one person (other than my boyfriendish). I'm feeling better and more comfortable :slight_smile:

    Thanks to everybody!
     
    #16 eugenrand, May 25, 2015
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