Mixed Orientation Marriage and Self Acceptance

Hi, I get what you are going through because I have a similar situation. Been married 20+ years, with kids and I have been having a rocky relationship with her since she found out I was having sexual encounters with other men.
I am also surprised by the willingness to try to work things through but there is also the lingering feeling that I couldn't be completely attracted to her because there's this other thing that she doesn't have that turns me on.
My sexuality is still a bit of a mystery to me. I know I'm 'mostly heterosexual' since women turn me on and I've been chasing romantic attachment my whole life. Then there's a gay fantasy sex life that is there too. Its kind of like my escape from reality. So I'm confused and the confusion is bringing us down. Sometimes I think it would be easy if I were one thing or the other. I don't even identify with being Bi if that means being equally open to relationships with male and female. I know there are various definitions and labels out there and the Kinsey scale..... there's also apparently the category of "mostly Heterosexual" and "mostly homosexual".
So my dilemma and I suspect yours too from your post is how to build/rebuild a healthy relationship with a spouse when there is this OTHER aspect to your sexuality that is not fulfilled within the relationship. I don't want to leave the relationship - or relegate it to just friends who go outside for sex, or to an open relationship.

How have others in similar situations coped???

 

If you go the the Later in Life Section, you will find many stories from people in very similar circumstances. Consider asking to have the post moved or repost there. You will get a lot of support and share stories with like minded people.

To your circumstances, my former spouse did want to stay together as well. However after realising I was not true to myself for the 19 years we were married, and having also felt neglected during that time while she dedicated her time and attention on our kids without leaving room for me, I concluded that I was better off rolling the dice and moving forward on my own; all while maintaining a very amicable relationship with her.

 

OnTheHighway - At the end of the day are you happy with your decision? I have followed many of your posts but don't recall how long the timeframe has been.