There's this guy I met online whom I've dated a couple of times and hanged out a few times since late April. I've found out that he's starting to date someone a few days ago. I had a lot of firsts with him (first kiss etc) and it really bugs me a lot. I'm really hurt I don't know what to say. He told me he couldn't connect with me. I've always felt that he is leading me on. He told me he only felt that we were friends at most. I got to say good bye to him on the phone one last time as I told him I'd like to cut all contact from now onward. So what do I do now? It's the first time I've got dumped and it really sucks donkey balls! :tears:
Aw no, I'm sorry! The first time being dumped is horrible, especially when you had your first kiss etc with them. The best thing to do after a break-up is to spend a lot of time with friends and family, just trying to distract yourself from the whole situation because dwelling on it by yourself will only make it hurt more. Just try to do things you really enjoy doing, and if you're having a bit of a bad day, talking to others about how you're feeling and having a bit of a cry really does help! With my first break up, I cried for days and days, but the moment I started talking about how I felt and started keeping busy was the point I started to feel okay. It's gonna suck for a little bit, but it'll get better soon, I promise! (*hug*)
Thanks blossoms, i really appreciate that advice. Thanks for sharing your experience too! It does help me plan ahead. Gonna join some groups to help me get busy. I had some time to think about it and realised that ive might overreacted abit. He did drop hints that i could only be friends for now and he doesnt know what he wanted yet when we were dating. Its only been uh 4 weeks? I think im taking it too seriously? Do you have any advice whether i should still become his friend? Ughh dating is so frustrating. Something like id like to be your friend still but i will take a couple of months or so to move on and stuff. Or am i crazy and self destructive to do that?
I think that for now it's better if you cut off all contact with him. The first guy I really liked had to move away for college and I was miserable for a very long time. We tried to remain friends but it didn't work, all it did was make me want him more. I only started to feel better again once I cut off contact with him. After almost a year I sent him a birthday message since I was over and two months later he did the same. We spoke for the entire afternoon and I was fine. It's really hard but all it takes is time. I hope you can make it through and feel better soon. Avoid contact with him, avoid seeing his social media and spend time with friends. I'm really sorry it didn't work out but I'm sure you will be okay
It's good that you got some first experiences with him. The best thing to do now is move on... I know that it is hard especially if it is the first person that you had experiences with but you will and can have many more experiences with someone who you do connect with. I suggest to eat ice-cream and watch some new films!
If he wasn't into you, then you are better off without him. You deserve to be someone who likes you for being you. Your next relationship may not be like out of a fairy tale either, but you CAN find someone who loves you on a romantic level. You cheat yourself if you settle.
Hey thanks guys for your advice to move on! It's still super hard to not think about him but i guess it's only the second day. I'm not sure if i did the right thing, cause I didn't want to end it in such a bad way last night. I told him about how I actually expected this to happen soon but I wasn't ready yet when he surprised me with the new date he had. So I redid my goodbye and end it on a happier note, saying that I wanna get over him first then I might be able to be friends with him and wishing him the best with the new guy. I'm sorry if that's what you guys advised me not to do, but it didn't feel right to me to end it in bittersweet final goodbyes. It was so painful even though it was supposed to be happier.
It sucks being dumped by a first, but time will almost certainly heal these wounds. I find the worst thing you can do after a breakup is to stay idle. Try and spend some time with friends, get out of the house, and give it another try with online dating.
It sucks being dumped, PERIOD. I agree with the no contact thing. Trying to be friends with someone you have feelings for is the hardest thing to do. You'll probably just pine away for him while he's off with others, with the whole jealousy bug hitting you. Move on, you obviously had enough of the right stuff to be with someone for sometime. That's what you should focus on. You had good times together, but it wasn't the right thing for him.
Thanks I'm trying to really move on right now. It's still pretty hard to get the day going but thanks to my friends I'm trying to keep busy. I've cried a lot yesterday, and spent some time out with different friends. Do you guys have any advice for this; I keep thinking about him and his relationship with the new guy, what they do etc. How can I stop it/cope with it? It's really ruining my day but my imagination always runs so wild. And here's one more thing, I've been chatting with someone new and he is really interesting and we seem to get each other. He asked me out for coffee one day. I'm not sure if I should go for it right now. If I do, should I tell him my situation first before I go out with him? I'm really confused on what to do or feel right now!
Go for it when it feels right, and yeah I would tell him you just got out of relationship. Moving on from a love is hard. It's okay to still have feelings, and frankly I still have feelings for anyone I've ever dated in the past. The feelings are like faded memories now, the more recent the break, the less faded they are. The feelings and thoughts don't go away, but the intensity of the reaction to those has diminished a great deal. Keep yourself busy, and maybe give yourself a mental slap when you start obsessing over what could be happening. For all you know they'll go out on several dates, and the other guy will not like him. Don't forget, you had a boyfriend, you can have one again.
Unfortunately, this is one of the harsher lessons to learn about dating, especially when things look hopeful. I know it hurts, but a little perspective is necessary here. This started about a month and a half ago, this is not enough time for anyone to establish anything resembling a proper relationship. It is still just dating and the early days are just that: early days where it could go either way. He also had to figure out whether he wanted to continue, and yes, it is frustrating but it takes some time for things to get clear. There was this thing I found on the net about words that should exist for certain complicated emotions, and the one that stuck with me (a totally made-up word) is adronitis or the frustration one feels with the time it takes to get to know someone. Consider this a valuable lesson learned; not about other people and their potential misbehaviour (although there is enough of that too!), but about yourself: next time, be patient, maintain your own sense of self, let time tell you whether something is worth pursuing.
