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Gay Advice with a "straight" best friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by theguy, May 10, 2015.

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  1. theguy

    theguy Guest

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    I'm in college and I'm openly gay, yet not too fem. I've been best friends with a guy for like 8 months now. We are literally like ALWAYS together. We have been just really close friends and but within the last months I have had the thought about us being more than friends on an almost daily basis. Literally when we're around each other I feel happiness that I have never experienced. He isn't like the PERFECT looking person yet I find things about him really attractive. He often and very often point out girls that he wants to "smash" and I just act like I don't care lol. We go to college parties together and always go out to eat and shit. A couple of weeks ago he was DD and we were coming from a party & I had a little bit much in my system. I was being calm and collective and we were on our way back to his place (where I was staying because I was drunk) and then he asked, "how did you know you were gay?" Being in my drunken stupor I don't remember the whole convo but I remember him saying that after his last relationship he's questioned his sexuality he says that he can see himself with a guy emotionally yet the whole "sexual" thing he isn't into. I told him that it could be normal because most people do question their sexuality at least once in their lifetime. I told him that I would rather have that convo when I'm not drunk so I could give him a more accurate answer. That morning I text and ask him if we could have that conversation again and he said he wouldn't mind. The next time we hung out we were chilling and I brought it up. He brushed it off and switched subjects without entertaining the question. I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable so I left it alone and never brought it up again. I'm really torn with what to do! I REALLY enjoy having him as a friend yet I'm curious on how it would be if we took it to the next level. I've never had a straight guy friend this close and I really appreciate what we have. I need advice on what to do? Do you think he's gay?
     
    #1 theguy, May 10, 2015
  2. kindy14

    kindy14 Guest

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    Can't know with the information provided. Many people, I assume, question their sexuality and attractions, and decide they aren't anything but straight.

    Don't push him, and don't expect anything physical from him.

    Be there for him as a trusted friend and confidant. Help him explore his feelings, even pointing him here. That's the most I would do. Let him figure things out before you try and have more of a relationship with him.
     
    #2 kindy14, May 11, 2015
  3. theguy

    theguy Guest

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    Thanks for the advice! I understand from experience that engaging in a relationship with someone who is unsure, curious could be detrimental to both people. I just know I'm the one who would get hurt since when I do fall for someone I fall HARD! Thanks again!
     
    #3 theguy, May 11, 2015
  4. SwimScotty

    SwimScotty
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    I would agree with what Kindy14 said in this situation. If he's told you that he has questioned, then he's definitely put a lot of trust in you. That's a good sign, since it means that he's likely to tell you if he starts questioning further or finds an answer. Your best bet is to just be there. I don't think you will, but do not try and pressure him one way or the other. That could lead to him (or you) making a decision you will regret in the future and could potentially end in hard feelings. Like Kindy said, just be there for him in case he needs to chat or something like that, and make sure he knows that he can come to you if he needs help.
     
    #4 SwimScotty, May 11, 2015
  5. theguy

    theguy Guest

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    Thanks Scotty. I understand where you're coming from.
     
    #5 theguy, May 11, 2015
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