hi guys this is my first thread here so dont go hard on me haha So to set the context, I'm a bisexual guy who has developed a crush on another straight guy (who im very close to). My orientation has been mostly out (except for my parents). So I had this guy on my straight guy friend for about 2 Years, and it has reached a point where my feelings were bursting at its seams. He keeps texting me and stuff all the time, sometimes I'd like to think he wasn't straight and I'd daydream about him and shit HAHA. So one day I had to come clean and I told him about my crush (nervous wreck). And surprise surprise, he came out and told me he's gay (dream come true :icon_redf)!! But he told me he wasn't interested in having a relationship with me Ouch. of course my hopes were up and down (if that makes sense??) So about a week has passed and we have started acting weird around each other like it's so awkward??? I regret telling him about my crush as I can tell that it is putting a strain on my weird friendship with him. I've been good friends with him for a long time and I don't want to lose him, what do I do???? (Sorry if my story is a mess I can't think properly now haha) and in your most honest opinion did I make a mistake of telling him about my crush??? :tears:
It's definitely fixated. Not to get your hopes up but he might have started to devolp feelings for you or maybe your feelings are making him a little uncomfortable. Have you been touchy lately, etc? He might be taking it the wrong way, talk to him and clear things up- he's your friend still so hopefully he understands. Good luck
Well, it's always complicated to have a crush on a close friend, because there's a chance that there'll be weird days, but it can be fixed! First thing is to get rid of the crush feels, it's just a crush. It can be treated easier than having fallen for him. But do tell him that you value him as a friend, and you would like to be friends with him above anything else.
Haha no I've not been touchy! Or at least regular touchy??? LOL. I mean, I feel something from him. Sometimes I catch him trying to sit near me in class which is cute btw haha. BUT!! I can't figure out if he has feelings or not or just trynna be a good friend. could the problem be that he's not out yet?? im currently giving him space by not texting him as much to let him process whatever he needs to, but I'm not sure if he'd think that I'm ignoring him or wtv
That could be a great possibility, yes! If he is in fact gay and you know he's in the closet, he probably doesn't want to risk going any further with you in risk of others finding out about him. The best way to clear the air would be to talk to him about it, not ignoring it. Yes, giving space is good and all but if he is in the closet he might need extra support. Let him know that been know you have feelings for him, you still are his friend and if he wanted to talk to you he can. He does seem a little shy and that could be the problem. Hope this helped!
Yes he came out to me that very same day!!! (In my original post I mentioned it haha) but now I'm stuck cos I need to give him space and yet support him at the same time all while managing my feelings for him which is taking a toll on me. currently it's awkward and I can't figure out how to break that.
i would suggest to try and text him so that the not in person think will take away some of the pressure
I could but.... I think awkwardness is a thing where if u bring it up, it will become even more awkward?? Haha:tears:
lol sorry i know about awkwardness but im also someone that thinks if its done quickly rather than drawn out it will hurt less
If he's in the coming out phase( I'm guessing you're out- congrats!) he might not be ready for a relationship even if he has feelings for you. I know before I suggest that he might be into you and I still believe so from the information but being the closet and dating that person isn't healthy for both parties. I know you don't want to lose in him as a friend and you should let him know that you're there for him and that's all you really can do for now. It's hard liking someone in the closet and you happen to be friends with that person! Ahh! Watch out for your feelings and decide smartly. Really hope this advice was somewhat decent
Hahah thanks you've been very helpful!!! But it's just gonna be really difficult and taxing on my end.... seeing how things are.
I had a similar situation recently, and the guy I was crushing on just came out as bi, and we went on like two dates, but he told me that he wasn't ready because he had just come out and I know that when I first came out, I wouldn't have been ready either. It was a shame because he was cute. You should give him the space your giving him, and just try to continue conversations with him. It might help to explain to him that it was a crush, not you falling in line with him, and maybe that will get him thinking a bit differently.
Just let him know that you respect how he feels and that you don't want anything to affect your friendship. Get that conversation out of the way and then get back to being friends. In the meantime, try not to think about him too much. He's said he doesn't want a relationship, so unless he makes it clear that he's wants one, you should move on and be open to other people. Let us know how it goes
