advice and conversation topics

I still struggle with shyness and keeping up a conversation. Going up to meet someone I like is always filled with a bit of anxiety. I developed a habit a few years ago of purposely talking a bit more to each person I interacted with. Grocery store, gas station, restaurants.

Could be as simple as hi, how are you doing?, or sports, or politics, or daily events, or weather. Heck, talk about your feelings, about your shyness.

Swallowing the butterflies is getting easier all the time by doing this. I made a breakthrough Sunday night finally. After 30+ years in the dating scene, it's the first time I've walked up to someone I was interested in and had a conversation with them. Granted I was drunk at the time, but it's a huge step for me. Overcoming social anxiety, shyness, the fear of rejection.

Just be friends with the guy, and know that's it's okay if you don't always have something to say. Listening is a great skill to have.

 

Well, I'm not too great at conversations either. But see if you can maybe discern his interests a little- if you both have hobbies and stuff you like to do, that can be a great conversation piece, especially when you have some in common. Even if you don't, pretty much everyone likes talking about their hobbies and what interests them. You could also talk about music, what subject interests you at school, favourite films/TV series, just things to find some common ground really.

Perhaps also talk about current events, if he keeps up with them- that way you pretty much always have something to fall back on if you're not sure what to say next. Better still, perhaps invite him to a film and meal. You don't have to make it a date, it can just be two friends going out, but it will be a gesture to him that you want to develop the friendship and in conversation terms, it gives you things to talk about in the film and the food.

Also, have a little more confidence in yourself! I don't know how long you've known this guy but it sounds like it's not been very long. When you've just met someone, it's almost always at least a little awkward, no matter how good at conversations you are. All I'm saying is, 1) don't beat yourself up for not always having something to say- no-one can be expected to have something to talk about all the time, and conversations can naturally run their course, and 2) give it some time and you might be surprised with the results.

 

Some good ideas from Kindy.

If you are walking home together it might be as easy as asking what plans he has for the evening or weekend, or maybe share your plans for the evening/weekend with him. Are you planning to watch the same tv programs, movies or games? Are you planning to play the same computer games? These are all talking points that can lead into other subjects and help you to get to know a person.

It's also a good idea to really listen and pay attention to what he saying, so you can ask relevant questions. If you are able to ask more questions it broadens the conversation and shows real interest and that's a great way to get to know people better. An example might go something along the lines of.. how did you feel when?...

Shy people are often passive in conversation; they listen and take a lot on board, but they don't really engage, so they can appear slightly disinterested. On the other hand, confident people are more active in conversation - they don't always listen as well as shy people, but they involve themselves more in the subject, so appear more interested. If you can strike a balance and become a good active listener (one who listens and participates) you should get good results.

Hope this helps.