Hello, Ahead of time this is going to involve depression and suicide, you've been warned. I met a guy on a hookup app and we hit off in a sense that we're both pretty fucked up mentally and are nearly identical (I think he's smarter.) We have talked about our general problems in some detail and ive grown to like him. Today though I texted him and he responds with "trying to figure out a way to off myself to make it seem natural" and that he's "lost everything he cares about" Naturally, knowing what I know, I started to get nervous and spent a good amount of time texting him to try to get him out of his funk. 40-50 minutes go by and I don't hear anything. I don't know this guy well enough to know if he will or will not try anything tonight, and I'm hundreds of miles away, and after not hearing a peep after 40 minutes and a unanswered cell phone call I sucked it up and called the police to have them check on him since I was over 100 miles away. As soon as I get off the phone I get a text from him, I explain what happened (prefacing with a "youre going tonhate me and im so sorry" ) and he said I "didn't have the right to do that." I feel terrible and while today I tried not to think about I'm just scared I'm going to lose any chance of being his friend or more... selfish I know. But I also just want to know that ok maybe I freaked out a little bit but I've seen and heard this happen way too many times and I'll be dammed if it happens to him or anyone else I know. I've been there, I've tried, my best friend has tried multiple times. My other friend had a best friend who tried and succeeded and that fucked him up and the family. I don't want to see it again. As far as what I'd like from him, I just want his forgiveness. I don't feel right trying to date or hook up with him, it'll be a mess for the both of us since we're so messed up. I just feel like he could use a confidant and I could use one as well. If things love forward from there then I'll take it in stride but I just want to be his friend. What do you guys think?
So this is always a tough call, and something suicide hotline volunteers have to deal with on a daily basis. You made the call that felt like the right call to you at the time, and you made it because you didn't want to see him harm himself. The intent was in the right place. At this point, it really is up to him. Yes, he could use a friend, but you need to give him the space he needs to figure out what he wants. You may also want to be careful because you might be wanting to rescue or take care of him, and that won't be healthy for either of you. I'd give it a bit of time, reach out, but let him decide what, if any, further connection he wants to have. (Side note: We don't allow references to names of hookup apps. I edited your post a bit.)
Thanks, I guess I just wanted reassurance that what I did wasn't too out of line. I sent a text 2 days after the incident (I think thursday) and didn't get a reply (not too concerned he only replies if i start talking late at night and even then i won't hear from him) . I haven't tried contacting again and I don't think I will until I'm back over in my apartment again, hopefully next week. After I aplogized and said I was going to bed he did text back saying goodnight, so I'm thinking it may be ok. I'm separating myself from the situation and focusing on other things in case it doesn't pan out.
I think you did the right thing. In moments of crisis, people can lose all clarity of thought - a lack of clarity that is often facilitated by drugs or alcohol. Good decision making is abandoned in those moments and it can be very dangerous. He may not have thanked you for your actions at the time and he might still be upset on some level, but you had knowledge of his whereabouts and chose to err on the side of life. I'm sure many people would have done the same. He might not have thanked you at the time and he may still be upset about it on some level, but he has responded to one of your texts in a fair and reasonable way.
