So I'm really good friends with this girl and normally she's pretty bubbly and outgoing but every so often she'll just have a day or two where she's really sad and distant and won't tell anyone why. This has been going on for as long as I've known her. She's told me before that she thinks she may be bipolar which is why she gets like that. For the past few months that hasn't happened and she's even said she feels happier, but today she was really sad for most of the day. She was in a bad mood right from the start of the day and would hardly even talk to me or anyone else except for teachers. It wasn't until the end of the day when she started to talk to me a bit like normal, but it's like she just pretended she hadn't been totally sad and making everyone worry for the whole first part of the day. She doesn't even mention it, just talks to me like normal. I know I probably shouldn't take it personally, but I can't help it sometimes when she just shuts me out when she's sad. I feel like she's mad at me or something. Also I don't really know how to make her feel better. If I try to hug her she ignores me or acts like she doesn't want me to and doesn't even react. In the past when she got like this, I'd try to ask her what was wrong and console her a lot but she'd just get annoyed so now I know she needs her space. Today when she was sad she'd sit far away from everyone and I didn't try to talk to her much except a few times. I just feel like I'm not doing enough. I sent her an email just saying "Hey I'm here for you if you need a hug" which I do sometimes when she's sad but she never replies. Is there something more I could be doing to help her? Is just sending an email enough even though I can't really talk to her? Why does she want to shut me out like that? P.S. Sorry for rambling
I don't think you can do a lot more and you shouldn't feel like you are not doing enough either. It sounds to me like you are being a really kind and supportive friend who refuses to just walk away and give up. That says a lot about you. Even though it's a good idea to talk when we are depressed, it's sometimes very difficult to open up to the people who are closest to us. We worry that it will upset them or it may feel like we are burdening them with our troubles. Sometimes, it's easier to talk to a relative stranger; someone who is not emotionally connected to us, like a counsellor/therapist. Maybe you are too close to your friend? For some people, it's very hard to find the words to describe exactly how they feel, so they tend to bottle everything up and try to work through it themselves. It's not a good idea, but if that's their choice, we can't force them to talk. Your e-mails may go unanswered, but they may also be reassuring to your friend - afterall, she always comes back to you when her mood lifts. If she thought you would turn your back on her, it could be devastating. Try not to take it personally. It's not easy for you, but it doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong. In actual fact, you are doing a lot right and you are being a solid and reliable friend.
