I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now, and it's been amazing. I was out to my parents when we started dating and told the rest of my family not long after, but he only told his parents this past Christmas and didn't tell the rest of his family. My family was pretty accepting, but they're also liberal, urban, and Jewish so I wasn't too worried about their reactions. My boyfriend's family is none of those things--conservative, rural, and Christian, and he was worried about their reaction. His dad was pretty much fine with it from the beginning, and his mom was mostly worried that being gay would make his life harder but ok with him being gay. They were both happy that he had someone in his life who made him happy. This coming weekend we are going to visit his family, which will be my first time meeting them. In preparation, his mom told his grandma and aunt, and their responses were both unequivocally positive. I'm really happy for him, but he's having a hard time with it. I guess he spent so many years closeted to them for fear of a negative reaction, and their positive response was unexpected. I want to be as supportive of him as I can, but I will admit I have a hard time understanding why he's reacted to their reaction the way he has. It's not that there's any contention between us over this, I'm just confused and want to do what I can to make this weekend a success for all of us. Help plz?
If you thought his family would have issues, it's quite likely he has been having the same concerns for a lot longer, and it's his family after all. Maybe there's some family members he fears won't be as accepting as the ones who have been so far? Maybe there are events in the past that he doesn't want brought up in a new light? Maybe he's afraid of bumping into some old acquaintances (I'm avoiding the word friend purposely) and having to deal with confrontations? Maybe he's just prepared himself for a negative reaction so long that he still hasn't let go of that fear, of that script he's been rehearsing for years. Or something else completely different. How about reminding him you're there for him. That you know him well enough to sense he's apprehensive about the trip, and that he can share whatever specifics are making him anxious with you. Tell him he's not alone, that you (the both of you) will get through this together. remind him so far it's been going well, and that those people are on his side too. All stuff that's implied when you're in a relationship with someone, but it's good to say it out loud every now and then. add: And make sure to remind him throughout the weekend. If you don't want to make it too obvious, agree on some subtle gesture to covertly convey the message. Remind him it's going to be ok and you're there for him. That you know it's difficult for him and you're proud he's still doing it.
Been there. I think exposure to new situations will help. Just support him over the weekend, don't be too touchy-feely with him, and let him slowly adjust to being out around family. It's a big step and as long as there are no issues in your relationship from this, then I wouldn't worry. It will work out in time and his comfort level will adapt. Congrats on your anniversary and hope the weekend goes well.
