Hi. I wrote here a couple weeks ago about my family not accepting me being a lesbian, and since then, have completely backed off from talking to them about it because I wanted to give them time to process and come to terms with it by themselves without feeling forced. The thing is, they've started actively bringing up LGBTQ issues with me out of the blue, and I'm feeling attacked as they're insistent upon telling me how wrong being LGBTQ is and how everyone who isn't straight or isn't living according to their assigned sex is an abomination. An example of this is about the marriage referendum in Ireland - they came to my room yesterday after the yes vote was passed and told me that it's not bad enough already that I'm "choosing to not be straight", I've now personally contributed to the passing of marriage equality. They started ranting at me how marriage equality is disrespectful and that it shouldn't exist - two same-sex individuals marrying ruins the "sanctity of marriage" in their eyes and that if I ever got married then they would cut me out of the family. They then told me that I'm unnatural and shouldn't have been born and that God must have made a mistake with me. I couldn't even defend myself because they've never hurt me so much before. This attack came out of nowhere and I feel like I've got no one. I wish I could talk to my friends about it but they're all busy with exams and I feel like I'd just distract them and they'd resent me too. I don't know how I can cope with this any longer. They've been making me feel absolutely worthless. I know it could be worse with what other people have to cope with, but I'm really struggling and feel so alone right now:tears:
I am so sorry your family is acting like this. Sexuality is not a choice. How old are you? Will you be going to uni (soon)? After exams, can you stay with a friend for a bit? I'm not sure where in England you are located, but there are quite a few uk members. They might be able to help you find some local resources. Here are a few things to keep in mind: 1. We don't know why people end up being queer (as a blanket non-cis or non-straight term), but they do, and given the historical implications like death, it's not likely a choice. If you weren't born gay, people wouldn't have risked death to keep acting on their feelings if they were just a simple choice. 2. We do know that it's not a chosen lifestyle, but there are lifestyle elements you can choose (like marriage) that will impact how you live and how happy you feel in life (both positively and negatively) 3. Your family has a lot more power and influence over you as a teen than they will when you are in your 20s, which is not to say, "go back in the closet," rather just a reminder. It's hard to see the forest for all the trees sometimes when you are in the thick of a crisis. 4. You likely have several friends who do care and will care once you let them in. Try to do it soon for support. 5. The world is changing. The dinosaurs are slowly becoming extinct. They know they hold unpopular views and don't want to change them. Tell us more about your situation... We are here to (try to) help. (*hug*)
I'm sorry you have to go through all this. (*hug*) Just don't listen to them because what they say is really really sick. How can anyone be so cruel? And remember, God made no mistake with you, you're a wonderful person who deserves love no matter what your sexuality and gender of your partner.
I'm not going to be going to uni for another couple of years yet That's an idea I hadn't thought of, I know that after exams my friends will be free and I won't feel so much of a burden on them. I do have one really good friend whose parents will definitely be okay with me staying for a couple of weeks, but that's all the way at the end of June. I have nowhere to go at the moment - I've just been going to the library and sticking to my room as much as I can to avoid conflict and negativity. I just feel like my parents have forgotten I'm actually their daughter and that I'm no different to the girl I was before I came out. They never ask me how I'm doing or how my exams are going, they're not always nasty, but they're very civil a lot of the time. I feel like an unwanted guest and I just miss having a hug with my mum and dad, and my brother play fighting with me (he's younger than me, he's 14). I want things to go back to the way they were before. I know God loves me but the fact that I've heard that I'm disrespecting God so many times in the past few weeks from my parents is really starting to get me down, because that's the last thing I'd ever ever do - all I'm doing is being myself, I choose to be open and honest with my family because I thought they'd love me regardless but now I've never felt so alone :icon_sad: Thank you for your replies though, honestly, your kind words mean so much to me
This is so saddening to read.. I am so sorry Blossom! I don't have much to say but I can tell you that I'm here for you if you ever need a friend! (*hug*) x
Dear Blossoms, sad to hear of that situation. Our parents should protect us for our whole life and support us when we don't do anything bad. I know their support means so much to you, but if they don't change their minds, you will have to accept it and go on with your life, to leave their home one day and live free as you deserve. I understand you can't right now, maybe you're too young, if your tries to explain them don't work, give up (because it can be very painful for you) and don't talk to them about it first, talk about it only if you have to reply to their discussions, but live your life out of home, be yourself with your friends, live a relationship, don't stop your feeling and your heart. I tell you this because I think that sometimes homophobic people's opinion can't be changed, so let's leave them with their opinions, we can't do anything else, even if they're our parents and it hurts, I know. One day, not so far, you'll be very very happy, you'll be be a wonderful person and you'll get over that situation. Hugs, Debora
Well, I avoid talking to my mother 'cause she is a homo and transphobic... 'person', among other reasons... I think that not talking to them it's their loss, not mine. Sure I would love to get good hugs and kisses and pats on the back from my folks, but if they are not going to do the job, I'll look for somebody else or (even better) I'd do it myself. If they don't love me the way I am, they don't love me, period... No real mystery or drama here. Most of us have to deal with this.. Sadly it's 'normal' that in order to live our lives we need to stop talking to our families and some 'friends'. It's unfair, but life rarely is nothing but unfair...
Thank you everyone. I guess it's just hard because I'm young and there's never not been a time when my family haven't supported me, so it's hard knowing that now they don't but I'm sure that I'll be fine and will find a way. Your kind words and advice mean an awful lot to me - thank you (*hug*)
Hey that's tough what you are going through. I think giving them some space is a great idea, they need sometime to process the information and hopefully they will come around. I know it doesn't help that much in the meantime. I think if you visit the PFLAG website there are some leaflets you can print out that are designed for parents when their children come out. I know it is an American based website but I am sure it will still be relevant. Everyone on EC is here for you, don't give up I'm sure this will pass.
