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Bisexual Male & Closeted Gay Male - Could really use some advice :S

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by DreamState, May 24, 2015.

  1. DreamState

    Regular Member

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    Good Day Everyone,

    I hope you are all well, and are taking advantage of your Sunday wherever you may be.

    So, I am posting here today as I was hoping you guys could provide me with some feedback, and/or advice re: the relationship/ situation I have more or less found myself in recently.

    My name is M, and I'm a 25 y.o. gay male that is still in the closet. I won't bore you all with the circumstances as to why I am still in the closet, but I can firmly state that over the last few months, I have grown a lot more comfortable with who I am and am eager to share in the happiness others around me share by being themselves. As such, I will not be in the closet for too much longer :slight_smile:

    In any case, for the moment, I am gay and in the closet. As I was scared to come out to anyone, but wanted to meet guys, potentially in the closet like me, I posted ads on the web. Over the years, I have met a few guys, some more interesting than others, but as we met on the web, the relationships were more physical than anything - which I have grown not too mind too too much either :wink:.
    3 weeks ago, after a really rough week at work, I glazed over the ads on the web, and quickly discovered one from a guy downtown who was looking for an arab bottom guy such as myself to meet with where discretion was imperative. We exchanged a few messages, and ended up meeting each other, spending close to 4 hours together.

    I know this may sound biased, but the chemistry (hopefully not uniquely sexual) was definitely there. We talk, we laugh, we make out which takes up most of our time together, we watch TV, we eat, we have sex. Honestly, I really enjoy his company.

    His name is K, and he is 23 y.o. from another country, and is bisexual. When getting to know him, he told me "he likes both guys and girls, but is mostly in relationships with girls". Herein lies the sources of my questions.

    I really would like this relationship to become something a little more serious. With me being in the closet, and him being bi, which he keeps close to the chest, it wouldn't be conventional, but i'd like to try it nonetheless. However, I don't know whether he feels the same, or whether the signs showcasing that he's not looking for any serious relationship are there, but my wanting us to be in a less casual / more serious relationship is causing me to look past them. If you guys could help, it would be much appreciated.

    Here are the facts:
    - we met 3 weeks ago, and have seen each other since.
    - I have been the one to initiate our meetings since the first time he posted his ad.
    - I don't think he's posted any other ads since the one a few weeks ago.
    - He's stated that he's never been in a relationship with a guy
    - He doesn't ever text. I kinda do from time to time to build a connection - just a few words like once a week prior to my text to meet. He answers them all really quickly, except for the one I sent him last night (Drunk text I sent which was little out of character for me, but sent it none the less - basically saying i hope his day went well, and that I can speak Spanish... oh boy)
    - we are very comfortable with one another.
    - he's here for school and leaving back to Europe after it's done.

    I would really like to try and make this work, and if not hopefully build a strong friendship with this guy, but i don't know where to go and what to do. If you guys have any comments, please feel free to post them!

    Thank you!

    M
     
  2. Sek

    Sek
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    Hello M, welcome to the EC forums. :slight_smile:

    So, you've developed feelings for a guy who you met under 'casual sex' circumstances.. From how you've described it, it sounds like you have a good time together. However, I question whether it's hedonistic on his end or if it's possible he also enjoys your company and would like to take it further.

    Best advice I can ever give to someone who's unsure about someone else's feelings? Communication, communication, communication. I cannot emphasise and recommend it enough! Sharing your feelings and asking what theirs are gives you clarity and peace of mind. If I were in your shoes, I would be direct - let him know that you enjoy his company and would like to see him more often. You could set up a date-like evening together (you don't have to call it one though) and see how that goes.

    Hope things go well for you. If you have any updates please feel free to come back and share! I will check read your response if you do. :thumbsup:
     
  3. Schloss

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    Marhaba M. The fact that he's leaving the country does not help the friendship developing too fondly/strongly. Distance is usually really shitty for maintaining friendships... I've heard how much it makes the heart grow fonder, but from my and other peoples' experiences, I'd beg to differ.

    Also,

    For me personally, that would be a cue to stop thinking of having a relationship. Casual fun and friendship would be fine, but wanting it to be a relationship would be a waste of time. Then again, the heart dictates habibi...
     
  4. DreamState

    Regular Member

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    Hey Sek & Schloss,

    Thank you so much for the replies - my week has been so hectic that I haven't had the time to respond to your comments.,

    It's funny, the moment right after I wrote the post, the responded back to my drunk text, and laughed, asking if I had a good time last night :wink:.

    Sek - you taught me a new word :slight_smile: . To be honest with you, up until you mentioned it, I didn't think that he was uniquely meeting simply for pleasure. However, I believe that it may be a possibility.
    Although, I can't very well describe it, but when we kiss, I can feel a pretty strong connection. Whether it is shared has yet to be seen. It would require that extra bit of communication on my end.

    Schloss - I do agree with you in regards to the long-distance aspect. I think it may be very hard on both of us if the relationship ever did flourish. As for his mostly being in relationships with girls, I too believe it to be a cue meaning that he doesn't want to be involved with another man - or me for that matter.

    We usually meet on Friday nights, and as I previously mentioned, I am always the one to text him. Would/ is it childish of me to hold off on texting him, and see if he texts back, or should I text to meet him anyways.
    My thought process here is that if he's interested, he'll text.

    Could I bother you for some more advice?