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friend coming out to me? kinda?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by whattodoii, May 25, 2015.

  1. whattodoii

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    Sorry for my rambling, I've been contemplating if I should post this, but I just got more frustrated so I just had to write this. Any advice or comments are welcome :slight_smile:


    Okay, so long story short, I've liked my friend a lot for a couple of months, until she told me about this boy she had a crush on, who liked her back. Weirdly, I haven't heard nothing else about him after this...
    But last week, we were sitting at school, listening to music weirldy, when our friends came and they joked about having to take a picture of this for later, and basically it wound up in some kind of weird joke thing of us getting married. ( I felt extremely awkward, bc 1. they gave her the dress, like whyyy ( I know, priorities, right?! :b) 2. they don't know I'm gay/bi-ish and 3. my crush, the one they kinda shipped me with, is the only one who does know about me.... 0.0
    so later we talked about it and she told me that she sometimes wanted to talk about her sexuality and that she wanted to sometimes and that she felt stupid for that.
    Of course, I told her that she didn't need to feel stupid about that! I also told her that if she wanted to talk, that I was there for her, i don't want to push her. But she said she didn't know and that she was afraid that if she would tell people, they would ask questions that she couldn't answer and that she couldn't sit close, hug or say i love you to anyone without them thinking it meant more than it would.
    She didn't specifically say she thinks she's bi or gay/lesbian, but this said, she's certainly uncertain about her feelings about girls :/
    And exactly this coming weekend, she's staying over and I'm just so confused, bc I have been trying to turn down my feelings for her, by saying to myself, she's straight, you're one of the many lesbians who fall for their straight friend, she's got someone, maybe, but this kinda messed up all my arguments and my feelings for her have come back and hit me full in the face :bang:
    I feel like talking to her about it, but I'm also just nervous in general, and last time she came over, she slept in my teeny tiny bed, which led to us spooning. (weirdly she left really soon after, I always thought she was kinda confused by it, which makes even more sense now... She thinks she may have feelings for girls and then she spoons, makes it stronger(??) and is then confused?) IDK maybe it's just me

    I also thought about recommending this site to her, but I'm afraid she'll find me and my posts(since some things are just kinda recognizable, so I didn't... :/
     
  2. Lyana

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    I think the best thing you can do for her is let her know you understand, you went through something similar (assuming you had a questioning phase), and that you're willing to talk about it if she has any questions. It can really help to have someone to talk to who won't judge. Don't talk to her as if it's a given that she's lesbian or bi, since that may intimidate her, but be open about your own sexuality, and encourage her to express what has her questioning. -- It sounds like you're already doing most of this, so please continue.

    Don't take advantage of the fact that you're the person she trusts to come out to to make your feelings known to her. At this stage, it will probably confuse her more than it will help. You might want to wait until she's less confused. Right now, she probably needs a friend.
     
  3. whattodoii

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    I did tell her immediately that she didn't have to say anything, but that she just had to know i would be there for her no matter what. I did/do have a questioning phase, well kinda, 'cause I'm like pretty sure I like girls, but boys, I don't know if I just don't like them or if it's just the particular boys in my environment...
    It would be great to just be able to talk freely to someone about this kind of stuff, like in person, even though EC has helped me so much :slight_smile:
     
  4. whattodoii

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    I'm confused AF right now, bc I biked with her today bc i asked what she meant, bc earlier one of our friends brought up the wedding thing and she said dramatically (and jokingly) no, we broke up and she's now got a sport, golf. And I'm there like 0.0 whaaaaaaaat. bc golf is stereotypically the most lesbian sport EVER.
    So later I asked her about it and she said she had said it on purpose. Then she said:
    So, if we WERE to both be lesbians, would we be a couple?? Probably. And I said yeah, probably, wanting to know where she wanted to go with it, but she didn't go anywhere with it, bc we were at her house and I'm like so confused and she's gonna come over and I'm just freaking out like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH