hey people! i apologise for the long long post in advance! so how to begin? well, i have a girlfriend and it's an LDR - long story short, we met on tumblr (the queer girls' mecca, it seems), clicked like i almost never click with anyone and after a few weeks she told me she liked me and i really liked her as well, so we started dating in March, planning to meet up after a few months. you could say things were going great, as they always do in the beginning, but this May has been incredibly stressful for me as i had to cram for a lot of final exams/uni admission exams and coupled with my depression and inability to concentrate, that has proven to be extremely stressful, 0/10 would not recommend to Satan. anyway, my girlfriend has started getting angry at me as well, saying i don't have time for her anymore while i was busting my ass ensuring my future at a decent university and graduating high school, and she's also extremely insecure about my feelings for her (i mean even at the beginning we fough about me not saying "i love you" to her after like two weeks of dating. i dunno, looking back at it, that coulda been a red flag) well, needless to say, we fought a lot. i mean, she also doesn't like that i went drinking to celebrate the end of this exam stuff and as we talked about it, she revealed that she's worried i might cheat on her and made some fairly biphobic quips (i'm bi, she's lesbian), which she later said she didn't mean and i'm not going to get into. we also fought about me not having time to visit her this summer (due to me needing a job because of my family's financial situation which she didn't seem to get) and it all culminated in this big fight and moment of honesty afterwards yesterday, when i told her how frustrated i am in all of this and she in turn admitted she "doesn't really like bisexuals" which i'm just extremely disappointed about and a little bit disgusted with, but deep down i guess i pieced it together already from the things she said. now i don't mean to paint my girlfriend as a bad person, as she's not and she has lots of bad stuff she's dealing with (and i may have my fair share of mistakes myself but i think certainly not as many as she likes to give me shit for) but i don't know if i should continue this relationship. i mean, how can someone say they "love you so much" and then not like some of the fundamentals of who you are? i just feel like she's in love with a version of me that's rid of all the stuff she doesn't like. i mean it might seem that i should end this relationship right away because of how much we fight and her biphobia but idk, we really click in other areas and she's not in a good place mentally and i really wouldn't like to leave her since she said she's actually happy after a long time, ever since we're together (although atm, it's me who's not really happy, i guess) we're also fundamentally different people, since she always says she loves me so much and would do anything for me and i just ... don't feel the same way. i don't give up a lot for love and she admitted she knew that even before she told me she liked me, but i don't know if she also knows i quite don't love her the same way. i mean she said she'd never break up with me, that's bordering on unhealthy, as i am who i am. i don't know, i'm just remembering a thing my mother told me once - that i should date someone who loves me more than i love them, so i'm not the one who cries in the end. which is a really smart thing to say, as cruel it may seem, and i think i've been doing that. the thing is, if i end this, she won't be completely alone. when i didn't have time for her, she actually started talking to her ex girlfriend who admitted she'd leave her current gf for my girlfriend and, unlike me, also sacrifice some things for her. so i feel like, if i break up with her, it will suck for her, yeah, but chose she to get together with her ex, she will be possibly happier than she can ever be with me. i, in turn, will stay alone and probably as insecure as before, but at least i will get my personal freedom and not being tied down back, which is always liberating (yeah i'm that terrible person who doesn't like being tied down. i guess i may sound horrible from this post myself.) so you, who finished reading to this sentence - i applaud you! and what do you think i should do? should i stay and hope things will improve now that my gf knows i'm frustrated with the status quo, or should i break up with her?
Personally, I don't think it's going to work. Her bringing up biphobic remarks in a fight and then saying later she didn't mean them tells me she's insecure about the relationship and using your bisexuality as a target. She's insecure about the state of your relationship and your commitment to her so in order to brush it off and not have to focus on what it means for herself, she focuses on something about you. It also sounds to me like she's not putting much effort into being understanding over your situation. She was angry that you weren't spending as much time with her because of your finals. That's a very stressful time for everyone and, more importantly, it's temporary. Then she was angry that you can't visit because of your need to get a job. Perhaps she's worried that she might fall to the wayside. She might suspect, even if it's just subconsciously, that you don't care as much about her as she does about you and that's manifesting in her insecurities and desire to bring the relationship to the next level. On a similar note, the fact that she was mad at you for not saying "I love you" to her after only a few weeks is a bit of a red flag. When to say "I love you" is entirely up to you, whether it's after a few weeks or over a year. If you don't want to break up with her, I think you need a frank and serious conversation about your relationship, the long distance, and her biphobia.
yeah, that's what i thought as well. well, we ended it, quite amicably if i may say - and agreed it's probably better in the long run.
