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Advice please?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by RavenTheRat, May 27, 2015.

  1. RavenTheRat

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    Okay, so on the Day of Silence this year I came out to my mom, and well... she didn't believe me. She told me I was confused, and she told me I was too young to know my sexuality, and told me that until the end of high school, I need to identify as straight. And after, I realized how badly my coming out could have gone. I mean, I could've gotten kicked out of the house, or disowned! And the idea of that happening scares me to death.

    On the bright side, my mom said that if, in college or such, I called her up and told her I was gay, she would be okay with it. So, I know that I WONT be disowned or anything. And I'm going to humor her; I'll identify as "straight" when I'm around her.

    This probably seems like a stupid post to you all....... and I'm sorry but I'm new at this..... I've known I was gay since I was in 5th grade but I haven't accepted it until this year and frankly I don't know what I'm doing......

    I just don't really know how to proceed..... I really want to get a girlfriend and such, but I don't know how I would keep it from my mom.......

    Just wondering if anyone has any general advice for me going forward or maybe has had a similar experience?
     
    #1 RavenTheRat, May 27, 2015
    Last edited: May 27, 2015
  2. silverhalo

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    Hey don't feel bad about posting that's what EC is here for. I think it's great that you can take the positives from what your mum said.
    I think where you go from here is up to you but becoming more comfortable with yourself is a good start. Are you out to anyone other than your mum?
     
  3. RavenTheRat

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    No, I'm not out to anyone else, but my school has an LGBT support club and while it's too late in the year to join this year, I am planning to join next year (my mom won't know because they meet at lunch not after school)
    Actually, being a lesbian doesn't bother me. I'm very proud of my sexuality, and the only real reason I'm not out to anyone else is because it would make my mom very upset. I'm very eager to be in a relationship too; I hope that I might be able to meet someone through the LGBT club.
    Also, once I go away to college I want to be fully out to everyone-my mom said that she'd believe me once I'm in college, so in terms of that I'm just biding my time when it comes to coming out.
    Thank you for the advice (*hug*)
     
    #3 RavenTheRat, May 27, 2015
    Last edited: May 27, 2015
  4. Sek

    Sek
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    Congratulations on having the bravery to come out. :thumbsup:

    Regarding her telling you that you're too young to know your sexuality -- I'm sorry, but that's bullshit. If people your age can know they're straight, people your age can know they're gay. You wouldn't hear her telling you that if you were straight and in a relationship.

    Your mother will need time to come to terms with it, no matter how accepting she has been. I think she will come around if you two discuss her boundaries for you. You have the right and freedom to pursue a relationship, but she might be trying to protect you from homophobics. Again I think it just needs discussion and time.
     
  5. RavenTheRat

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    Thank you so much. Yes, I agree that you can know your sexuality at any age.... my mom's really old fashioned though.

    I do hope she will come to terms with it; I really don't want to hurt her in any way. I know she means well, but she's just going about it all wrong. And I will pursue a relationship; I'm kind of tired of making up for my lack of a love life with fanfictions, haha.
    And you're right, time does heal all wounds.

    I'm really grateful for what you wrote, the fact you even took the time to reply really did help me more than I can say, and your reassurance was invaluable to me (*hug*)