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Closeted teenager. Just had first break up. Heartbreak-ing alone.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by sunbloume, May 27, 2015.

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  1. sunbloume

    sunbloume
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    Excuse the title, I'm not one for melodrama I promise, but the truth is my first relationship just ended. She was really lovely and I dated her for over 8 months. The other day she told me she just wasn't interested anymore and we had a clean, if a little somber, break up. It's only been two weeks since then but some girl recently moved into her apartment with her. I don't know if they're a thing. I didn't want to ask.

    I'm 18. I know it's silly but I feel like I'm a little late to be having my first relationship (some of my friends are /married) and it seems like I'm emotionally inexperienced with how to handle all this. I'm still questionable and anxious about my sexuality, though that's not really what I'm concerned with at the moment. I guess the biggest problem is that I'm just kind of sad. And I feel like I should be crying on a friend's shoulder or asking advice from a parent but absolutely nobody knows I was dating this girl for so long and by extension I literally don't have anyone to talk to without first dropping the whole "I'm gay" bomb that I'm not quite prepared for yet.

    I still live at home. My mother is a deadly lawyer/psychologist combo and is usually more than encouraging about me sharing my feelings and then providing me with with her experiences and in-depth advice bullet points. A while ago I told her about the relationship, and while she's fairly open-minded I could tell the topic made her uncomfortable. Tonight I explained the break-up, seeking advice or even just comfort, but for once she didn't engage me any further than a few tense responses, and if anything seemed almost... man, I don't want to say "pleased," but she was definitely okay with the news. I didn't press the issue.

    I feel really isolated and alone. I tend to have issues with seeing things from objective and positive points of view. So just talking with people usually makes me feel miles better when I have a problem. I've always had a heavily supportive home life. I've never been unable to turn to someone for guidance before. It sucks.

    TLDR; I've been laying in bed crying like a chump. Any words of what I can only assume to be ancient magical lesbian wisdom that can be passed down to a currently closeted first-timer? Tips for feeling less alone when you're not out, general advice for heartbreak, I'll take anything. I just read a very ridiculous Wikihow on getting over break ups--you know I'm desperate.

    On a side note, this looks like a lovely site. Maybe when I get myself together a little more I'll join officially.
     
    #1 sunbloume, May 27, 2015
  2. Jax12

    Jax12
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    We're here for ya! I think if you looked at this dating experience in a positive way, you'll feel better. 8 months is surely a long time to gain experience from. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

    The important thing is to remember you have learned a lot through this relationship. There is someone for you out there :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Jax12, May 28, 2015
  3. Shooni

    Shooni
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    Firstly, I'm so sorry about the breakup, and even more so at your mother's response to the situation. I know both my parents are very accepting of my sexuality, so I've never had too much trouble being open with them.

    Honestly, you have to know that out there, somewhere, is a girl who'd be lucky to have you. It may take time to find her, and there will be moments where you doubt it entirely, but once you've dealt with this heartache, you'll look at the world with bright eyes and hopefully find another lady to be with.

    Try not to let the loneliness consume you. I'm still kind of new here, but so far I've had a lot of fun commenting on threads and meeting people. Take some time out for yourself. You count. Put yourself first, and try your hardest to smile.
    And hey, those sad love songs don't help! Listen to upbeat, happy songs and have a good dance~

    As Jax12 said, it was a learning experience! Take from it what you can.
    You'll feel better in good time, and I hope as each day passes, you'll be able to slowly move on.

    I'm around if ever you want to talk to somebody. I've been through a similar situation, and it outright sucks. (*hug*)
     
    #3 Shooni, May 28, 2015
  4. cm1092

    cm1092
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    Hello sunbloume,

    I'm very sorry to hear what you are going through right now. I wanted to post here because I can relate to you and I want to let you know that you are not alone. As previous posters have said (and they're completely right on this by the way), you are not alone, you will learn from this and most importantly there is somebody out there who is right for you. It sounds like what everyone says, but its very true. I'm trying to use this myself now in my own situation and its very comforting because its true.

    8 months is a long time and I have no doubts of the levels of affection and love you will have felt and still feel for the girl you were with. Whilst not nearly for as long as you, I had a similar situation with a guy. He went from being amazing to disappearing on me and telling me he no longer wanted to think about a relationship. It was an awful experience and I spent ages pining over him and thinking of ways to win him over. I just couldn't understand why he went from one extreme to the other with me. A couple of months ago though I finally got closure on this and was able to see the light, helped massively by these forums. I would go back on the dating site where I met him, get chatting to someone else and then when they'd lose interest/disappear, I'd crawl back into my shell and think there was something wrong with me. Then I'd start pining to be back with the first guy again and I did that for quite some time.

    Reading advice online though and especially here made me realise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is nothing wrong with me, and by the way, there is nothing wrong with you. The girl you were with, whilst no doubts being amazing at the time, is not the right girl for you, just as the guy wasn't with me. Holding myself in a higher regard and seeing myself as more of a 'prize' to someone rather than thinking I'd never meet anyone like him again made things a lot easier. It also helped because when people did lose interest online, I just moved onto the next one :slight_smile:

    I'm a bit more regular on this site again at the minute, so if you ever want support, let me say just as Jaz12 and Shooni have that I am here for you :slight_smile: Take care
     
    #4 cm1092, Jun 2, 2015
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