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Friends with benefits slowly ruined my friendship with a straight guy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Jeremyk, May 28, 2015.

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  1. Jeremyk

    Jeremyk
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Cape Town
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I'm 16 years old and gay and my straight best friend and I became friends with benefits before we were just normal friends but he made a move on me and our friendship quickly got sexual this happened for about 1 year. So we made a pact not to tell anyone about it but then at school I started hearing things about me giving him a blow job that time he was away I asked who started the rumors n it was some other guy who was close to him I asked what my friend told him these are the exact words that came out of his mouth "he told me that he wanted to know if u were gay so he asked u to give him a blow job and u did for 4 secs n he pushed u off" this really pissed me off cus basically it ruined my image. He wasn't back yet so when one of my friends confronted me about the rumors I told her the whole truth so then I suddenly get a message from him calling me a bitch saying that I can't keep secrets n basically our friendship ended from there on.the part that hurts the most is how he turned this all around n I feel used but I still want to confront him about it to basically understand why he'd do this we have been friends for almost 4 years I just don't understand how someone can betray a friend like that
     
    #1 Jeremyk, May 28, 2015
  2. jazzcourse

    jazzcourse
    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I know how tough this is, but you can't take it personally.

    When guys like this who identify as straight are doing non-straight stuff behind closed doors, they always "turn it all around" and blame the other guy. It's cause they're afraid of what their behavior means. It's the only way they can protect themselves from their own thoughts/desires/behaviors.

    I would say this: if you confront him in any way, expect him to do more turning it around and blaming you and making this all about you. This will feel shitty, but its likely to happen. Like I said, all this making it about you has everything to do with his own fear.

    Hang in there- I know it's tough. If you ever get mixed up with guys who publicly are very straight but privately want to either do sexual stuff or even just cross normal boundaries, prepare for the worst :/ I know from experience. These guys are mixed up mentally, and they are volatile, and they can be cruel to try and prevent any real confrontation with their own shit.

    Fist bump. Stay strong. Don't worry about his BS its not about you :slight_smile:
     
    #2 jazzcourse, May 28, 2015
  3. Sek

    Sek
    Full Member

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    What he has done is essentially the number one tactic for improving your image after defamatory rumours are spread: blame the other person. It's a common practice in PR for criminals on trial.

    It's a survival instinct on his part, you've been tossed the blame and forced to hold it. Echoing what jazzcourse said, it's not necessarily a personal thing. He most likely just doesn't have the guts to own up to it, but in today's anti-homosexual world can you blame him?

    I would encourage you to learn to forgive him. Reach out to him through text, facebook or in person (bonus points) and let him know that you are forgiving him even if he doesn't apologise. If you have been friends for four years it has probably hurt him to do this to you. Try to see it from his perspective, it will make things a lot easier for you both if you don't have pent up feelings of resentment towards him.
     
    #3 Sek, May 28, 2015
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