Two years ago, I had a boyfriend. He was my first and only boyfriend, and honestly I was infatuated with the guy. I was excited with this new relationship, and I had a lot of good memories with him. The only thing that was off was the fact that I never seemed to really be physically attracted to him. I loved being around him, but kissing him? No thanks. It was something I tried to avoid quite often. He wasn't a bad kisser. I just wan't into it. Cuddling was something I kind of avoided as well. I ended up breaking things off with him when I began to realize that I was into girls, and he moved on for a little while. Eventually there was a stint where I tried to throw myself back into the closet by dating him again, and obviously that didn't go well. I wanted to push myself into having sex with him, but the sexual attraction just plainly didn't seem to be there for me. I'm a virgin, so a part of me thinks well, I was just nervous, and the circumstances in that just weren't really conducive to a sexual relationship with anyone. It was something that very quickly ended. Then there was a period for about 9 months where he and I weren't talking. I missed him a lot, and a week ago we began talking for the first time. I mean, he's my best friend, so obviously I really missed him. We went through a lot together. We ended up sitting in the backseat of his car, listening to music, and talking about old times. Eventually it turned into a talk of whether I still had feelings for him, because he was being particularly affectionate with me, and I was allowing it, which I normally wouldn't let him do. Leading up to the kiss, I thought that I could really be into him, but when it came to the reality of it, it was kind of gross for me. I mean there were a couple points that I was literally gagging a bit, and I felt like I was trying too hard to enjoy it. I mean sometimes I have thought, "you know, he's the one guy I think I could have sex with," but the reality always ends up proving me wrong. And it's confusing because I'll cuddle with this guy, and be close to him, and think that I could be into him, but once it crosses that little boundary into more sexual territory, I can't do it. I'm just not attracted to him in that way. But it's confusing because it feels like I could be in my head, and I don't know where that comes from. I like girls. I've accepted that, and am okay with that. I think about dating girls in my future, marrying a woman that I love. This guy is kind of an outlier in my romantic life. He's leaving for basic training for the military in a few weeks, and he wants an answer from me as to whether I want to try and keep this afloat. He's still in love with me. I don't feel so sure. Advice?
Out of consideration for both yourself and him, I don't think you should try to keep your relationship afloat. Friendship? If it'll work, heck yes. But you've already been through it before - you are not attracted to guys, so don't try to make yourself be happy with one. Sex and physical intimacy are an important part of almost every relationship, and I don't think it'd be fair for him to expect a physically intimate girlfriend when you're not comfortable with that. It's possible for you to love him; I have no doubt that you do love him. But I don't think you should try to manifest that love in a relationship. A friendship could potentially be much more rewarding.
I totally agree with this^^^ Ive had similar experiences. I just came out as lesbian to my boyfriend of 1 year. I still love him deeply (just not in that way) at first I was attracted to him sexually. But, I started to get where I would get upset if he even so much as touched my hand, I would cringe when we kissed. And no sex for months at a time. The thought of anything sexual with him is totally repulsive. But, now that I'm out to him I feel happier and all that weight off my shoulders. But, it hurts me to hurt him. He is my best friend and I couldn't imagine life without him. Even though I find it disgusting, I'm so used to the routine of being affectionate that I just do it anyways. Its a really weird situation to be in. So I totally understand what your feeling. But, I will not be getting back with him. It would just put strain on what friendship has been salvaged. It would be better for both of you just to stay friends I think. You don't wanna hurt the relationship anymore by breaking up and getting back together and continuously repeating this process. It would most likely end messy and you may not have your best friend anymore... Just my opinion but good luck to you
Thank you. It was really a bad move on my part to even open up this can of worms again. I love him, but it didn't take long for me to figure out that it just wasn't in that way where I could be physically intimate with him. Maybe a part of me is just guilty because he's in love with me, and wants that from me, and I just can't give that to him. Anyways, I appreciate the advice.
