Hello. Recently the only way I feel I can get closure from my crush is to come out to him. I previously made a thread about him. Mind, I have never come out to anyone. I feel as if, because he is leaving, my time is limited and if I were to leave it be, I would feel this depression for much longer. The love I have for him tears me apart and distancing myself from him is not an option! It is definite that I will eventually come out to him, nothing can change that. But, I do not know how. I am too afraid to talk to him in person and I am afraid that if I reveal myself, everyone will know I am gay. Therefore, the option I see most fit is to be anonymous in my confessions. E-mail perhaps. The only mode of communication that can keep me hidden. I am afraid. Afraid of his reaction. Will he tell his friends? I don't know. But if I try to keep it anonymous, I can see where the situation takes me and decide if I want to reveal myself to him. Please help. What do you all think? Any ideas on what to write in the email? Thank you.
May I ask why you have such a powerful crush on a person you don't even trust to keep your sexuality a secret?
I honestly do not know how it spread to this point. This is the first time I have ever felt so emotional to a person.
One of the unfortunate realities about not fitting into the heteronormative expectations of society is not having the freedom to pursue things like 'first real crushes' without fear of very serious risks, in addition to the standard 'safe sex' practices. Basically, it really sucks that on top of a whole slew of common fears about things like rejection and bad breakups, we also have to worry about things like being discriminated against. This means we don't really have the opportunity to explore new relationships in the same way heterosexual people can; we can't let our youthful enthusiasm run away with us. We have to be, from the get-go, more mature and mindful of our situations. So I think you ought to sit down and really, honestly contemplate why you like this person so much. Maybe you'll discover that your attraction to him is primarily physical, and not worth the risk. Maybe you'll realize that he actually is a great guy, and wouldn't treat you poorly or betray your secret even if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings. The point is, it doesn't sound like you know very much about who he is as a person, and straight or gay, that's not a good way to begin a relationship. Coming out, especially for the first time, can be a really frightening and moving experience, and it seems like this situation in particular is overcomplicated by the fact that this guy is basically a stranger and your already-intense feelings about him. Does he seem like the kind of person you'd want to share this private and scary thing with? Do you have anyone else in your life who you trust to be supportive?
You make it harder for me. But, as I said, I will definitely come out to him, but not necessarily as myself. He is trustworthy.
Honey, I just tell it like it is. I'm truly sorry if this discussion has somehow increased your worry; that was never my intention. I only wanted to provide you with an alternate perspective to consider, in the hopes of simplifying this difficult situation. Please think of it as nothing more than that-- just some stranger's opinion. But the whole reason I'm even sitting here typing this to you is because I believe very strongly in a sense of community and providing support for each other, and I really do want to help you in any way I can. It sounds like you could really benefit from having some kind of support right now-- maybe even in other areas of this forum, where you can relax and be among friends, and not feel so burdened by all the fears you described in the first post of this thread. I know how powerful the feelings of this kind of love can be, but your own well-being has to come first.
I know. I'm sorry if I made you feel that it was your fault for my increased worry. Things have been really hard lately and I have been questioning why I am who I am. I have decided to abandon the plan for anonymity and I have created a new thread. Please help me figure it out.
