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Severely Depressed and Suicidal

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Male Streisand, May 29, 2015.

  1. Male Streisand

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    I just have lost all hope, I have no reason to live. I've being bullied for being gay and I feel like a freak.

    I have nobody to talk to, I don't have any stable friends, and I am the only out gay kid at my high school. And now from all the bullying I suffer from severe depression and anxiety, to day at school I was changing outfits in the boys bathroom, and when I was done, these group of boys were string outside the bathroom and bursted out laughing when they saw me come out, I walked directly through the group and one of them coughed and intentionally called me a faggot while the rest of his group laughed their butts off.

    This type of stuff had been happening for 7 years now and I've just been taking it, to ashamed to even try and deal with it. I have been in the principal's office numerous times before for the same issue, but there is always another group of boys who always pick on me.

    I'm not a person who fights back, I'm afraid of confrontation and I'm too sensitive to even dare to speak up.

    I'm literally on edge, I am seriously going to kill myself right now because I have a choice in this, I can either stay here and be bullied for the rest of my life, or, I could kill myself now and be happy.
     
  2. Spacetime

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    HOTLINE: 1-800-273-TALK(8255)
    I'm so so sorry! You should not have to go through this. Please tell an adult you trust. About how you feel, about what's happening. A counselor, a student advocate (if your school has one), anyone you trust. If you can, urge them to action. You don't have to be confrontational. I understand if this feels like a lot. There are a lot of great LGBT support lines and websites around the world (not sure where you're located.) Please, please hang in there. I think you are wonderful.
    Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org!
     
  3. pinklov3ly

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    Please use the resources that Spacetime suggested. They are truly helpful if you just take a second to breathe and think things through.

    There are trusted adults that you can speak to about what's going on. You don't deserve to be treated this way, no one does. Your life is meaningful, valuable and worth living. You are who you are and you should be proud to be you. Don't let anyone make you feel like you aren't worthy of life.
     
    #3 pinklov3ly, May 29, 2015
    Last edited: May 29, 2015
  4. Michael

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    Listen, kid, you don't have to go throught this on your own, there is people out there who want to help you. Some people working on helplines have gone through the same, also for being as brave as you are. Among those jerks there must be at least one of them who is also gay, I'm sure because it happened on my very own school.

    Please stay with us... Are your parents aware that you are hurting? Is any chance for you to go directly to a doctor and tell him about it?
     
  5. bingostring

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    the worst part about this is you are carrying all the stress inside your head
    whereas … if you could confide in some other real person (that you trust) you will find a huge weight lifted off your shoulders

    seriously - things do not need to feel so awful - is there someone you could talk to?

    and these shits.. are not worth your suffering
    they are microbes, and they are exercising some sort of power over you

    you are a hero in my book.. for being the only one 'out' at your school - you deserve a medal

    i know it feels awful but try and be strong
    how long till you leave that school?

    is there school counsellor you could see too?
     
  6. itsmary

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    Please, don't go... Don't.

    Believe me, adolescence is one of the darkest times of life for many people. But things change. Things change a lot when you grow older and realize the true meaning of life. Just live. I know it's hard. I know people are just MEAN but... it won't last forever. I promise. It just a dark time. Many people have gone through this.

    You're not alone, kid. Don't hurt yourself. Be brave, I know you are!
     
  7. emmadances

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    Please stay strong . I know I can't be much help. But the hotlines that other people posted can.
    Just rremember, after you get out of school life will get better, you can move away, and never see those people again.
    Also, all those people who bully you? They are the ones with the problem, you are fine the way you are. You are the one in the right here, and all the nice sane people in the world are on your side.
    I think you should know that all these people on this thread want you to live. I aam with you. have so much potential and those bullies will be the ones who end up in prison, while you shine and make something of yourself.
    Find something to distract yourself if that helps. Play music, make art, read, whatever you like to do, or find something new like a new hobby, where you can make friends who accept you for the wonderful person you are.
    Please hang on, it can and will get better with time after school is over, and you can be happy, like you deserve to be.
     
  8. jazzcourse

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    Everybody here is sweet and awesome- listen to these great people.

    And give this a listen:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1vMsANbzgw

    It might be time to fucken go off like a car alarm and pick up a rock. Not a literal rock maybe, I don't want you getting hurt. But find a way to fuck shit up a little.

    The anecdote is priceless- right when he pushed the guy, the energy completely changed.

    Hang in there my friend. You can shift the tide. I even did this with my abusive dad by going ape shit on him once and he was so scared he never bothered me again. It's possible.

    And as someone who has been suicidal my whole life, don't dare do it. There's love everywhere. I felt it reading this thread. We want you to feel better, people who have never met you- that's beautiful.

    I personally want you to beat the shit out of these people- go for balls, ears, and pinky fingers x)

    Just kidding I wanted to make you laugh :slight_smile: But I would do it myself if I was there :slight_smile:
     
  9. dwelefan

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    Just remember that what you are going through is temporary. You will eventually be able to get away from these jerks who continue to torment you and you will move on to bigger and better things. Please go talk to a counselor or any adult that you can trust . Don't keep holding things in!!

    Do your parents know whats going on? Are they against you being gay?
     
  10. scouse

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    School is an absolute minefield! Sounds like you're having the worst time. Here's the thing, school will finish. Probably a lot quicker than you realise. I know that's no use when you're there but my point is this part of your life does not last. It's a very small part of it. One of the good things about adulthood is you choose who is in your life, and these scumbags will have no part in it.

    Not sure where you're from but see if there's a lgbt service around, they usually have mentors and hold groups - for teenagers and adults - so you wont be so alone and can help you through this. Also, if you haven't been the doctors then get there re. the depression and anxiety. Keep your chin up kiddo x
     
  11. Images and Words

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    Friend! Please know that there are plenty of other guys out there who are gay. You are not a freak. Homosexuality is found in over 450 species of animals, and homophobia is found in but one. Homosexuality is NOT wrong, and it is NOT freaky. You are an amazing person, and the people you love are sure of that. Those who bully you are not worth caring about. People calling you a f*****? They're the unnatural ones. Nobody should have to put up with this. Call a suicide hotline, or speak to someone you trust. Things will get better. I promise you! Message me if you need anything at all.
    -I/W
     
  12. Male Streisand

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    Hi Everybody,

    I just want to say that your responses really lifted me up, I have been working hard on myself and I have come to the point where I simply don't care about what people are saying about me and now I'm living a much happier life.

    The struggle with anxiety still continues but I now have the tools to deal with it, and I have amazing friends to back me up and protect me. Thank you to everybody who commented on this post, I really appreciated it.

    Male Streisand
     
  13. angeluscrzy

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    That's good you are feeling much better now. There's no way I could have imagined being out back when I was in school. I didn't know for sure back then, but I always felt different. Having messed around with my best friend when I was young, my life then became conflicted with what it all meant for me. And I have many o.d.'s, hospitalizations, and arms covered in scars from a cutting session. After 23 years, I can still see all the faint scars I inflicted that day. For what its worth, I find your ability to just be who you are and to deal with all the shit you deal with, I think it speaks volume to what strength you truly have. You're very brave and screw everyone else. They get to live their lives how they want and no reason we shouldn't always be able to do the same. No apologies, no justifications, it just is
     
  14. resu

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    Thanks for giving an update! It's good for others to see there is a light at the end of the tunnel.