I feel like a slut

There's nothing wrong with liking sex or with casual sex per se. Just make sure you're playing safe.

When you say you are trying to fill an emotional part of you, do you mean you think you actually want a relationship but are going for casual sex instead for some reason? Or that you are 'making up for lost time' by going for lots of sex?

Todd

 

It might be a simple phase. And the phases might come and go. As long as your being safe in all regards (both the sex and your personal well being), and it is not impacting how you go about how your daily life, I would not worry about it. Despite what others might suggest, there is no shame in it, we are sexual animals at the end of the day.

 

What makes you come to believe that you are trying to fill and emotional part of you that you were missing all your life? Just thinking that it may be is enough for me to question what lead you to think that way.

Another thing to consider is- how do you feel when you have casual sex with people? Do you feel good or bad about it? How do you feel after everything is done and over with? Do you feel distressed? Do you feel happy?

What were your past relationships like?

 

Ok, let's start with this bit first: how are you going about meeting people? Perhaps consider trying some other venues and methods to meet a different type of person (meetups, community center, gay men's chorus, social or political groups, volunteering, etc.). In a similar vein, perhaps change your process a bit.

Perhaps set yourself a rule that you won't get sexual with someone until you've dated for a certain amount of time. And then be up front about that from the start and very clear about it with anyone you meet (also be clear about it with yourself even when you're horny for someone). Even before that, make it clear you are looking for a relationship and not a hookup. Yes, some people will seem onboard with that just to get in your pants, but don't let them. And others will be looking for the same thing you are.

If you've gotten to know someone and there's that chemistry and you end up having sex...what is happening afterward?

Sooner or later we all have to go home afterward. The key bit is...are we going home with plans (or at least a mutually stated desire) to get together again if that's what we want?

If things have gone well with someone, are they telling you from the get go that nothing more can happen (or nothing more than casual sex)? Are you asking if they'd like to go grab a meal/get together again/see a movie, etc? Because that kind of stuff can often be how a relationship gets started, even if you haven't already been dating and doing these things for a while as discussed above.

Todd

 

I'd joke and ask "what's your secret to being so successful?" but I do hear you. An ex of mine withheld sex for about a month when we first started dating. You can sometimes learn a lot from women... Maybe that's the key? If everyone just wants sex, and you end up feeling like you've been taken advantage of, then stop giving them what they want until you get what you want.

Heh... You could totally swap the words sex and relationship, and really mess with some people.
Sex?! Whoa whoa boy, I thought we were just talking about some lightweight relationship stuff with no pressure. I'd have to go on a few more dates with you first before I'd feel ready for that kind of commitment.