Enjoying kissing and cuddling but not sex with a guy

I define myself as a lesbian, but I'm not sure. What's confusing me is that right now I'm in a kind of relationship with this guy, and I enjoy kissing and cuddling with him, but as soon as he starts wanting more I stop because I'm absolutely not attracted to guys in a sexual way (that's why I consider myself gay, other than the fact that I'm romantically and sexually attracted to girls.
What's confusing me and makes me question my sexuality again is that, as long as we keep things all about kissing and cuddling, I don't mind it with this guy, but does it mean that I'm not a lesbian?

 

I don't think it means you are not a lesbian, it may just mean you that you are yearning for affection and closeness to someone and that you are ok with being a guy as long as it goes no further.
Sexuality isn't black or white it isn't as simple as gay, straight or bi. Being a lesbian doesn't mean you have to be disgusted by the opposite sex.

 

I agree. It doesn't mean anything is different about your sexuality. Labels make things more confusing in this instance!

 

This is correct. I was going to say this, but, hey.

 

You are not alone! I enjoy sex with a female, but never with men. I'm fine kissing men and being affectionate toward them. It makes life confusing, but eventually things can fall into place with the right person, not gender.

 

I feel the exact same way and it is confusing as hell. I often feel like I'll never be able to settle down because my sexuality is so fluid.

 

It was the same way when I was in high school. I was okay with hugging and regular kissing. The uncomfortable feeling for me happened as the boy tried to progress things. It was really frustrating to me personally because I really wanted to have the same feelings sexually for boys that I had with my former girlfriend, so I would be what was supposed to be normal according to others.

 

Thank you, now I feel relieved that I'm not the only one having these feelings!

---------- Post added 1st Jun 2015 at 09:48 PM ----------

See, I'm not sure that it's my sexuality that is fluid, because I know I'm sexually attracted only to girls. What confuses me is the emotional and romantic attraction I seem to get with guys too, which makes me question the fact that I'm a lesbian.

---------- Post added 1st Jun 2015 at 09:53 PM ----------

Yeah I feel the same now. For example, last week this guy and I were making out, and then he grabbed my hand and placed it on his crotch. I froze immediately and started pulling back, and he asked me what was wrong. I was so frustrated because I couldn't tell him anything and also because I just couldn't do it, I couldn't be sexually attracted to him.

 

I know what you mean. It was not only confusing but it sucked to like a guy on a emotional level, but there's not the desire there too. It can be confusing to them too, because they wrongly think the problem is them personally, not that they're a guy.
I wanted the whole package, a total relationship like what I thought all straight couples had.

 

Yes. I've been devastated by it, falling in love on an emotional level with a man, but having to leave him because of it, but also because I found the right person for me in the entire package.

 

I also find it very confusing. I enjoy a guys company especially if they are a computer nerd and like fast cars like me, but when it comes to sex, there is just no .... connection/spark.

I am fairly sure this is why my marriage ended. Sex was practically non-existant and only did it because he would throw the almightiest of strops if I didn't and unfortunately took it very personnally. Emotionally I loved the socks off him, sexually was just meh!

 

It is possible too, that your romantic orientation doesn't match your sexual orientation. So you could be biromantic or panromantic, while still being gay, if you wanted to put a label on it simply meaning you experience romantic/emotional attraction to males and females, but are only sexually attracted to females. And that's totally normal (and okay)

 

I'm so scared of it actually, because I don't wanna be in a situation like this, which is, I might have romantic feelings for a guy but I can't be in a relationship with him. I would be much more comfortable labeling myself as lesbian.