I thought I could handle being at home with my parents, but I guess I was wrong. My grandmother passed away a few days ago, and I've been emotionally drained. I've cried in front of my parents several times. They know something's wrong, and they've asked twice if there's anything I need to tell them. But I can't, because I know how they feel about transgender people. I began to think about suicide today, and went through the usual argument with myself. Then something different happened. I went completely numb: no will to live or die, no overwhelming emotion. Just complete hopelessness. I thought it would never end. It ended, and as weak as I feel now, I'm not completely lost. I'm just scared that I won't be able to fight much longer. How do I survive staying in the closet? I never imagined it would hurt this much.
Im so sorry a loved one died. Btu, im in your same situation. The only thing I can really do is tell myself I matyer. It will be better, I can leave, the I can tell them. I know its hard but keep your hesd up! Your not alone!
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I completely understand how you feel, my grandmother passed recently too. For now, just let it all out. It's healthy. And find someone, like a supportive family member or friend. Or even just talk to anyone here on EC. We'd all be happy to see you happy. But don't be suicial. Your parents would definitely rather you be trans* than not alive at all. I wish you the best of luck, and message me if you need anything. You are loved. Best wishes, Bernie
Thank you. I've been stable today. It's still not a great situation, but I feel less hopeless than I did.
I think you should try looking at being closeted in a different light. Many people tend to feel as bough being in the closet is a bad thing, but when you think about it - it's just keeping a secret from people who might or might not understand or be able to relate. If you don't feel as though telling someone your secret is going to make you two closer, then don't tell them. I think a lot of people stress over the fact that they feel as though they need to tell their parents or whoever because they think that they need to disclose all important information about it with them. If you aren't ready to start living your life outside as whoever you feel you are, then you should definitely wait until you are to tell them. Even then it's just informing them out of respect that you're not the person that they see on the outside and are about to become the person who you feel you are on the inside. Try not to feel so down about being trans because you think other people have to know, you should spend this time trying to figure out everything there is to know about you first, and value yourself enough to know that if you know and are happy with who you are that it doesn't matter if the people who you are currently around understand or not - because you can find people who do understand once you figure it out yourself.
