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So My friend came out to me and I like him

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by kailee2189, Jun 1, 2015.

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  1. kailee2189

    kailee2189
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    I met this guy 5 months ago at work. We instantly clicked. We started hanging out every day, texting everyday, going to the gym together. It didn't take very long before I started to have feelings for him. I think about him a lot, and I always look forward to his calls and texts. Recently he told me (very reluctantly) he used to be in a relationship with a guy. It was very hard for him, and I am the only person in his life he has told this. He was still hung up on this guy. I did not tell him that I liked him or that I was bisexual, I just couldn't. I am not out to anyone. Now once in a while he tells me about his problems with his ex, and more recently he started seeing someone else who he is kind of crazy about. I don't mind being there to give him relationship advice, I always wanna be there for him no matter what, even if it breaks my heart a little to see him going to someone else. I don't think I have enough confidence yet to confide in him my feelings. There are definitely hints there I might like him though, I mean we text every day (we no longer work together) and spend copious amounts of time together. I'm always stealing glances at him every chance I get. Oh man, I just don't know what to do.
    (BTW I started this thread in Sexual and Romantic Orientation accidentally, I think it fits better here...I'm new to this site I'm not sure if I could just transfer it or what so I just reposted it here)
     
    #1 kailee2189, Jun 1, 2015
  2. robclem21

    robclem21
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    I think until you are ready to confide in him and tell him you have feelings for him, your options are pretty much limited. I know how much it sucks to watch someone you like be with someone else but at the same time sometimes we have to make our own destiny and take charge of things we want in life, whether that be work, friends, relationships, etc.

    If you come out to him and he doesn't feel the same way then thats pretty much the worst that can happen, which at the end of the day isn't that bad. If he feels the same way, well then it kinda seems like a risk that is worth taking to me, but only you can really decide whats best.
     
    #2 robclem21, Jun 1, 2015
  3. Sek

    Sek
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    The foundations of strong, deep relationships necessarily involves vulnerability. In order for trust to be built you have to take a risk with your feelings, that involves coming out and confessing how you feel. He has confessed to you his orientation and you even said that you're the only person he's told -- he took a big risk with his feelings there, and if you want a connection to develop you should do the same. It's definitely a scary thing to do but when you know you can tell someone something and they will accept it it makes for a great relationship.

    This advice is coming from the perspective of you choosing to pursue a relationship with him.
     
    #3 Sek, Jun 1, 2015
  4. resu

    resu
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    You have to start somewhere when coming out, and this guy seems like a good choice. Yes, things may not work out, but think of the weight lifted off your shoulders once he knows you are bi. There isn't much risk because you can't force him to choose you over the guy he's seeing. In fact, he may even have sensed something that made him feel comfortable to reveal his secret.
     
    #4 resu, Jun 1, 2015
  5. IG88

    IG88
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    So many unintentional puns in this one ^^ ... lol.

    I agree with everyone above. Your friend must have a good amount of trust and feel comfortable with you to tell you that. Especially if he isn't out to everyone. Now it's your turn to take the plunge and tell him that you're bi. Start with that.
     
    #5 IG88, Jun 1, 2015
  6. likesboys

    likesboys
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    Wow I'm sorry your struggling with this, but hearing this really helps me!
    As I've been in a similar situation but on the other end for almost two years now.

    Like I have a thread on here detailing everything , but my point being I've never understood why someone who is gay or bi may struggle to reveal it to someone who has already revealed to them. Honestly the only difference here to my situation is the time length ...

    We became friends , txt all day... Gym together.. Hang together ... Movies and food dates etc... I came out to him and honestly expected to hear the same thing back.. But he still won't admit it.


    I think you should follow your heart , you want to be with this guy, you already have a friendship,you know he will not judge you. You never know what greater could be if you don't try!
    Good luck with this, and thanks for sharing. It really has made me look at my story from the other perspective !
     
    #6 likesboys, Jun 2, 2015
  7. kailee2189

    kailee2189
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    Thank you all for the advice. Quick update this guy had his heart broken yet again... because he put his feelings all on the line and was taken for granted. I feel so bad he has such a good heart and hes so goddamn good looking i dont understand how people decide to hurt him. Anyways im thinking about at least telling him im Bi. I dont think im going to confess my feelings though for me its too much of a risk and it might change the dynamic of our friendship. I really do love him both romantically and as a brother. If we dont work out as an item ill find comfort in the fact that hes my best friend. Also likesboys i read ur story and tbh im jealous of how touchy feely your "straight" friend is. Our relationship is very different we really are more like bros who are just always there for each other. I like to steal glances when i can but there is not a lot of physical contact between us. We talk and text every single day and spend a lot of time together but there are no long stares or almost kisses or awkward moments in the car... i wish there was stuff like that but there isnt.
     
    #7 kailee2189, Jun 4, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2015
  8. likesboys

    likesboys
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    Hey , listen don't be jealous. Atleast you have concrete evidence that your friend is into Guys. This is why I have to assess all the intimate moments we have with a fine toothed comb. I'm playing detective and trying so hard to figure him out. You have the advantage of knowing your guy is Deffo into dudes. So although it's still hard, I guess it's more comforting to know that it's definitely possible that you could end up together (*hug*)
     
    #8 likesboys, Jun 6, 2015
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