So the school year is coming to an end I have after some thought have decided to tell my crush i'm gay. I have wanted to for a long time, but have been to scared to really talk to him let alone say i'm gay. I have chosen the last day for 3 reasons: 1) it is the last day of the year and I won't be able to make excuses and put it off, 2) my confidence is much higher around him now and i'm not that shy so I can build up to it during the last few days, and 3) he will have all summer to think about it. He has had a friend before ask for him if i'm gay and I said no, but since I came out to my friend last week(which felt great!) I have had a greater feeling of self-confidence and believe i'm now ready to tell him the truth. All I want to know is if I am making the right choice?
The fact that you're asking here suggests that you've made up your mind to do it and you want either confirmation and encouragement or someone to talk you out of it. It sounds like you've thought it through for a pretty long time. So what have you got to lose? The potential positive outcomes seemingly outweigh the negative.
When I took on a new job, I soon discovered there were lots of gay men around. Shortly I developed a crush on a young man. We worked in the same department and every time we had to get together for a project I got all tongue tied and 'goofy." My words would be sprinkled with innuendo and I just could not contain myself around him. As time went on, he grew resentful of my comments. One time I got a call from him (or at least I thought it was him) telling me to explain myself. I just could not bring myself to tell him and have been cold to him for about a year. I've since discovered that he is 'partnered' and living quite well off. I've maintained my silence and distance, and will probably not speak much with him unless its work-related. Being married and in a hetero relationship, I will not come out to him under these circumstances and with our 'history.' I think its wise to stay quiet in my situation.
I have these feelings for my roommate that I have been living with for 8 months. I finally told him a few days ago. My thoughts were pretty similar to yours. I waited until the end so that I do not have to deal with him if he was not okay with my orientation. But I really wanted to come out to him. I did not tell him that I like him because I was afraid that might make him feel uncomfortable. However, it felt so great after telling him. haha Also, I knew that he will be okay with it since he has a bi friend back home. If you know or have a pretty good idea that your friend will be okay with it, then I guess there is no harm. Good luck!
That is great!! Tommorow is the day I tell him and the feeling in my chest is like bricks in my lungs. The hard part is thinking of what exactly to say to him so what I have so far is asking him if we could talk for a second and say" Nick(his name is Nick) I have something to tell you and I don't want this to be akward but do you remember when you asked if I was gay? well the truth is I am gay and I hope this does not effect your opinion of me as a person and I would like you to keep this between us." That is all I got and any advise on what to say is welcomed since I only get one chance to tell it right. Along with this should I also rehearse what say to him before hand?
I rehearsed what and how I should tell my roommate that I was bi in my head for a few days. The funny thing is, I just could not open my mouth when I came out to him. I told myself "I got this! I got this!" in my head multiple times haha We were watching TV and when the episode ended, I told him, something has been bothering me and had to tell you. He paused the show, was looking at me, and waiting for me to say something. All I can do for a few seconds was just stare back at him and sighing... I eventually told him. Afterwards, I explained why I told him. I told him the reason why I told him was because I trust him. I also told him how I hope this will not affect our friendship. I hope you the best!!!! I really do!! I hope your friend is going to be VERY understanding and will be the support you deserve
I'd say let it be natural. If you rehearse and think about it too much you'll put loads of pressure on saying it right. Just go into the situation, open your mouth and say what comes to your mind. It's a scary thing admitting our feelings. I was petrified the first time I told my boyfriend I loved him. I went to open my mouth and say it but instead I just started giggling nervously. When he asked what I wanted to say, I literally just forced myself to say the words like my life depended on it and it worked. Maybe you should do the same. Seriously wishing you the best of luck! I hope it goes well for you and I admire you for plucking up the courage to do this. Even if it doesn't go how you want it to, you should be proud for being brave. Please give us an update when you can.
It was terrible!:tears: I feel like a huge idiot for even opening my mouth. I told him and he told me he never had my friend ask. He acted as if I did't say anything or heard it and just chose to ignore what I said and I don't know why this makes me feel so stupid or crappy, but it just does. I guess I expected more, hoped for more, for something different to happen and I guess i'm just disappointed and crushed on the inside. I also have malice for myself deep down inside for letting myself get so effected and emotional over something so stupid, but I can't help feeling so sad and depressed. I really, really liked him and I let some delusional fantasy in my head that I've fabricated take me over, which makes me hate myself even more. I honestly want to just die and not have to deal with these stupid, worthless, annoying emotions anymore.:tears:
Aw, poor guy. I know this probably isn't going to be much help right now but one day you will realise that this was all just on the road to finding someone who does want to be with you, and it will seem so insignificant. You should really be proud of yourself for speaking your mind -- I know you are beating yourself up over this but it's nothing to be ashamed of. You felt a way for someone and hoped he would feel the same way. Maybe you subconsciously read into his actions, but can you blame yourself? Use this as a positive learning experience. You have the power to let yourself either get knocked down or grow. I hope you pick grow.
So sorry that it didn't turn out the way you were hoping. And congratulations for being true to yourself and speaking your mind, regardless of the outcome. It takes a very strong person to do that.
I'm sorry you feel it didn't go quite like you hoped it to (*hug*) I came out for the first time 5 weeks ago and for about 2 weeks after I just felt so stupid for saying it, I just hated the way the words "I'm gay" tripped out my mouth and I just felt really weird after. I'm learning that all these feelings are just part of the whole process and that the first time is by far the worst! But I'll say to you what I sort of said earlier - if you never told him, how would you feel now? Would you feel regret that you never took that chance or would you be happy with never knowing? :icon_wink
I'm sorry it didn't turn out well. You've made your choice and stick to it. That's brave. I'm a bit different that I never feel any regret for not coming out to my crushes. I spent enough time with them to know they are kind of a dick anyway. But if they know now and hate me for it, I won't mind. That's their problems and I have one or two more people to cross off my list.
This is why I love EC! there are so many nice people that care and can relate to what I've been through(sniffle), which makes going through it and getting over it so much easier because I feel like I always have someone there. I know that sounds really corny, but that's how I feel and thanks for the support and kind words.(*hug*)
I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT!!!! I wish I can give you a hug!!! :/ I am so sorry to hear that. But like what other people have said, you were VERY brave! Whenever things do not turn out as what I have hopped, I always tell myself, "If I am meant to regret it, then I would rather do it and then regret it. So this is actually better." If I did not come out to my roommate whom I like right now, I think I would have regretted it A LOT. You were very brave. Give yourself a credit for that.
