My problem is that I'm fairly rubbish at dating as a lesbian... My story: Every girl I have been with (not a huge amount) has been a girl I have met through either work or education. Since breaking up with my last girlfriend, I have hardly met any lesbians, and the ones I have met won't even say 'Hi' to me. I don't even think there is much wrong with me - I go to one of the top 50 universities in the world, I speak several languages and have a lot of other random talents besides. I don't tell people this when I meet them, so maybe this is part of the problem . I am not amazing looking, but people also seem to think I am straight. I'm fed up - I have even considered moving somewhere new, because I don't see a future for myself here. I feel like I'm slipping into depression because I come across homophobia on a daily basis at uni, yet the gay community doesn't acknowledge that I exist. What can I do?
Hi 525604, and welcome to EC. You're a uni student, right? Have you ever gone to the LGBT group on campus? (I get the feeling yours is a pretty big campus.) I love the group here, but when I went to a UK uni and attended meetings there it was very different -- tons of people, a huge turnover every time, and lots of fun. It's not for dating, exactly, but the more gay people you know, the larger your dating pool. You just might come across the girl who steals your heart. If you have gone, and have a circle of LGBT acquaintances or found it wasn't to your taste or whatever, ignore this advice, I guess! Are you out to everyone? That definitely makes meeting other lesbians easier. If you're in a pretty big uni, there's no reason to move. There must be tons of gay and bi women there, you just can't see them all! If you really really need to date, you can try online dating. But you don't always have to be looking for a relationship, and you shouldn't need a relationship to be happy and feel goo dabout yourself.
I am out to the majority of people I know. I have also not been to any LGBT events because the events are few and far between - the only regular meetup is for coffee every Wednesday. My course is full of religious people, so as I mentioned, homophobic comments from religious and non-religious students alike happen all of the time. The course itself has very few female students, so the chances of one of them being LGBT and me not knowing is slim. I realise that dating is not everything, but I feel that I have a lot to offer, yet other lesbians (online dating included) don't give me the time of day. I have begun to feel like I will only get noticed/accepted as a lesbian if I go down the road of cutting my hair off/getting tattoos and piercings, and so on... other more obvious lesbians don't seem to have the same problems as me. I don't know if it's so much about feeling bad about myself as feeling rejected by the LGBT community as a whole.
i assume youve gone to the gay villiage or go? im sure you could meet 'tourists' there, i know i have as 90% of the women you would know already probably if you go regularly i know its sometimes full of drama/cat fights but, have you ever just gone for a wee drink on the canal rather than clubbing? failing that, pub quizes are a good way to meet new people if nothing else. just broaden your friendship circle first before trying to find someone specifically to date.
I don't often go to Canal St on a night out - catfights and shouting over music aren't really my thing . I often take a shortcut through there during the daytime to be nosy I would feel weird hanging about by myself - I don't know any straight people tolerant enough to go to Canal St and as mentioned, I don't know any LGBT people here. Part of me has given up on broadening my friendship circle because of how vicious people are.
i hang about by myself sometimes, it just takes a bit of getting used to. youd be suprised by how many people you actually meet and how many people arent bad. lots of nice people exist. well tbh broadening your friendship circle thats really only how you meet people by getting to know them, thus becoming friends. unless youre after one thing which you can go on certain apps for but of course i dont recommend it. not sure how else you could meet people tbh. edit: do you have any hobbies? you could try to find groups that cater to your hobbies thats another way of meeting people, otherwise i reeeaally dont know how else youre gunna meet people unless you put yourself out there to be 'met' whether going alone or not.
I have been going for a couple of weeks now and no-one has spoken to me yet... I think one of the bouncers at G-A-Y is starting to get suspicious - I always seem to go past when she's there (!) I am planning on going to Pride in summer, but right now I feel just as invisible as ever. As for hobbies, I don't really have any - my course has taken up the majority of my time this year. I started on a language course earlier this year, but quite quickly I found I needed those 3 hrs/week as I was also working at the time.
