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Is it in my head? Did I do something wrong? Shouldn't this have brought us closer?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by MouseKeeper, Jun 4, 2015.

  1. MouseKeeper

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    Me and my girlfriend have finally cuddled for the first time, and I loved it. I felt closer to her than ever before. But shouldn't this have brought us BOTH closer? I don't know if it's a placebo due to this being my first time being intimate with a SO, or if I did something wrong, but it appears to me that she's more distant than before.

    I asked her if she's okay with cuddling and kissing, and she said yes to both(we haven't kissed yet though), but what if she said yes because she felt pressured? I know cuddling and sex aren't the same thing, but both require mutual consent and if one is okay with it but the other claims to be okay with it but did so because of pressure, that's not consent even for non-sexual intimacy.

    We've had some changes. I became an atheist after leaving the catholic church for the united methodist church, and she remains a methodist, so we're an interfaith couple. I told her about my sexuality and romantic orientation. I started opening up about myself and started desiring a stronger relation ship with her, and one could argue that I'm falling in love with her, but despite trying to connect with her on a personal level, she remains apparently distant.

    She said when I came out to her as biromantic "That's fine as long as you choose me." It sounds like she was showing interest, but I don't know for sure any more. We've been together for 5 and 1/2 years. We're both autistic with other emotional issues as well. Am I going too fast? Am I doing something wrong? Could this just be me paranoid? Could this be the result of the changes in our relationship? Thanks for the help.
     
  2. kaotyc

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    Re: Is it in my head? Did I do something wrong? Shouldn't this have brought us closer

    Maybe talk to her about it? I know (from experience) that some autistic people do not like to cuddle or be touched. I think you should talk to her about how you're feeling.

    Communication is the key to making relationships last. And this is a tricky situation because, like you said, what if things escalate and she's only saying yes because she feels pressured. I don't think cuddling is a big deal, but as I said, I am familiar with autism. My siblings and my cousins range from severely autistic to mild autism. I may also have a mild form, but I have never been tested.
     
  3. MouseKeeper

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    Re: Is it in my head? Did I do something wrong? Shouldn't this have brought us closer

    One of my symptoms when diagnosed with Aspergers was a problem understanding social cues, I've come a long way since, but it's still tough at times. This is what made me confused because it was tough to tell if it was a genuine yes or a pressured yes. A lot of times I completely misread social cues. She didn't appear pressured to me but I can't be 100% certain at the moment. I'll definitely talk to her about this.
     
  4. kaotyc

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    Re: Is it in my head? Did I do something wrong? Shouldn't this have brought us closer

    Yeah, I understand. But definitely talk to her about it. Let her know how you're feeling. It's best to do that than not say anything. Tell her you care about her and you want to make sure that you don't do anything to make her uncomfortable.
     
  5. xylaz

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    Re: Is it in my head? Did I do something wrong? Shouldn't this have brought us closer

    This happened to me when I kissed my girlfriend at prom. She got distant and stopped messaging me as frequently. She has always expressed interest in lgbt. She has friends who are gay and are a couple(guys), joked about a lesbian relationship with my girl friend, and watches yaoi.
    Maybe I rushed it, or went too aggressively or she wasn't prepared. I hope I didn't screw up.
    I'm probably her first or second relationship and I feel she's not very intimate or comfortable with it. She wasn't resistant when I went for the kiss but she's pulling away.
    Maybe she just needs more time like your partner. It's a very intense experience to kiss someone.
     
  6. kaotyc

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    Re: Is it in my head? Did I do something wrong? Shouldn't this have brought us closer

    I honestly don't think it has to do with either of you being bisexual. I think it has to do with the girls themselves. females think more emotionally than men. They evaluate everything. I would say what I said earlier. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Explain to the girl that you weren't looking for anything sexual, that you felt the time was right for a kiss/cuddling. And tell her that you want to make sure that it's not your sexuality that's causing it. Honesty is the best policy