So this one has reeeeally been bugging me. Why do people say you need to choose your friends over your lover? I get that friends are supposed to be with you forever and support you but then what happens if you fall in love with someone and they don't support you? Are you just supposed to give up on someone you're in love with for a friend? It just seems a little unfair :dry: So would you always choose your friend over your boyfriend/girlfriend and miss out on a possibly great relationship?
You know you have a good relationship and good friends when you don't have to choose. That's what I believe, at least. I would never drop my friends for someone I had just started dating, though. Now if we were in a serious relationship and I was in love, and all of a sudden one party or the other demanded that I choose, well, I would choose the one who didn't force me to choose. I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions. I'm fine with you privately not liking my relationship or my friends, but don't ask me to give either up -- that's a sign you don't respect me, and I have no time for people who don't respect me.
If people are saying you need to choose your friends over your lover, they are prescribing you a wrong course of action. If having your friends and having your lover are conflicting, then that's a warning signal that something isn't right. One of those groups is toxic. Neither friends nor lovers should demand you give up the other via an ultimatum, and if that's the case then you should evaluate the healthiness of the relationship.
If you have to choose, then you either have bad friends or a bad relationship. My best friend chose his girlfriend over me and all his other friends three years ago... It still hurts. If I got into a position where I had to choose I would recognize that something was clearly wrong.
Like everyone else said, you shouldn't have to choose. I think the reason why people say you should choose friends over lovers is because a lot relationships in middle and Highschool last way shorter than friendships.
You don't have to choose. People who say this quote really mean that you shouldn't abandon your friends for your lover, which is what happens to me all the time in friendships. Gets annoying when you can just be replaced like that.
I think it's important to try to spend at least some time with friends and some time with a sig other. You shouldn't have to choose though!
I don't think you should necessarily "choose between" them. You'll be living with both of them, your SO more intimately than your friends, and it shows a lack of integrity to simply drop any of them the first time conflict or something more interesting comes along. They're all people. They all have value and deserve respect. If they're not getting along, who's in the wrong and what needs to be done should be decided on a case-by-case basis.
I think the quote is kinda said with the mindset that friends are more long-lasting than romantic relationships and should be treated as if they're more important. When you're getting into a new relationship, I'd say this is true (especially if you're still in high school). Your friends know you better and care about you more at that point and you definitely shouldn't ditch them just because you've found a new SO (I've had that happen to me :/ ). But eventually people's SOs become more important than their friends. I hear people call their lovers their "best friend" a lot, because they're the most important person in their life now... I don't know when that turning point is, but it happens. Tl;dr, I guess there's a time in your life where friends are more important, and then a time where your lover is more important.
A good friend would support a healthy relationship between you and your partner. And a good partner would support a healthy relationship between you and your friend. My friend started dating someone who I didn't approve of. It put a strain on our friendship and she chose them over me. However I was vigilant in my efforts to break them up despite her being upset with me. Later that year my friend tried to kill herself after her partner treated her very poorly and harmed her. I became very angry and physically damaged this person, thus violating the conditions for my release and causing a relapse. We've sense made up and she now listens to me when I give my opinion on who she dates. Healthy relationships are very important.
