I find myself in the uncomfortable position of asking the internet for some advice. However, seeing as you guys and gals give quite legit advice, then turning to you for advice can't hurt. There's a guy. Let's call him Cyrus, just because the name sounds neat. We met about 4 months ago and I already consider him a good friend. He's intelligent (getting his PhD at the moment), handsome, attractive and a overall sweet guy. Sounds quite perfect, no? That's what I've been thinking, at least. I've been thinking about that a lot, to be honest... We've met up several times and I helped him prep his birthday party (2 weeks ago. Cooked and baked for him and whatnot). That was neat and all, got to meet his friends and I'm forever grateful that Cyrus has made these months one of the best ones in my current life. I obviously like him and at least for a while felt like this might be it. Then I became a realist and began thinking that.. pretty much all of our conversations over Facebook have been started by yours truly, but he's always answered and never ignores the messages without a good reason. Then there's the age difference. Cyrus is 29 and I'm 19. He is in a completely different stage in his life and me fitting in there is... problematic, to say the least. Then there's the fact that I vaguely heard him state that he wasn't looking for anyone at the moment, but do all those subtle winks, smiles, nods and stares mean nothing then? I've voiced these concerns to some of my friends, and they're saying that I should get over the age thing, seeing as everything depends on the feelings. I agree, but it still bothers me... Cyrus told me a few days ago that he wanted to move to Riga. He loves tbat city, like.. a lot. So I encouraged him and he actually said that he'd think about it. I care about him, but I also want him to fulfill his dreams. And then I think that, fuck it, I should try it, because ofherwise I will think "what if?". I'm confident that it wouldn't destroy our friendship completely, but it would certainly change things if I get turned down. I hope you guys see where I'm standing at and how terribly lost I am. There's just so many thoughts going on, that I can't pick out the reasonable ones. I just hope that I'm not making a fool out of myself for posting this, by looking like some creepy perv. That'd be awkward...
While it's tempting to try to read whatever you can from these signals - if they even are signals - doing so is, of course, a guessing game at best, and it's not necessarily the case that there is even a clear "he's into you" or "he isn't into you" answer. It sounds like you are at least out to each other? If he's been vocal about not looking for anyone (which does fit with the idea of making other life changes, such as moving), honestly, it might be best to take him at his word. This is not necessarily incompatible with any winks, stares, and so forth - it's not unheard of, or even uncommon, to find someone attractive even if you're not in a good place for a relationship. I do think you're right to be at least concerned about the age issue, since 19 and 29 tend to be two very, very different places in one's life. But, this may or may not be important to think about, if there are other obstacles already in place (him moving, for example). Should you tell him how you feel? I don't think there's any harm in it, as you deserve to feel like your own feelings are being respected. Even if he did say it wouldn't work, you could gain some closure out of it. So, at the end of the day - do YOU think it would be a good idea to say something? Do you feel like any obstacles (age, moving, etc.) are small enough to not be concerned about? And are you ready to accept whatever answer he might give?
Yeah I suppose this is more of a "wishful thinking" thing. I have been pondering on whether I should maintain the solid friendship we have at the moment, since I'm afraid that if I tell him how I feel, he could distance himself. I need friends that can understand me like he does. I do feel that we could deal with the obstacles, since he's probably not moving anytime soon, but hell if I know, actually... And I believe that I would be ready to take no as an answer, but it's the consequence that bothers me. I probably will refrain from telling him, since I think our friendship is more important to just be ruined by wishful thinking and irrational decisions. But I'm open for more opinions. Thanks nonetheless, Gravity. It's nice to hear others' opinions from time to time.
is he bi or gay too? does he know you're gay? if so, chances are he might have already thought before of the possibility that you may like him :'> i don't think he would really "distance himself" if you tell him.. maybe because he's older, he will respond in a mature way if you tell him how you feel for him and he somehow feels the same for you , it would be great :'> if not, i think he would still be flattered that someone has a crush on him :lol: and hey, i don't think age difference should matter much either i don't wanna get your hopes up though, but good luck buddy (*hug*)
Personally, I have had the hardest time in my life when I don't get closure on something. Thus, eventually I tend to succumb to my own emotions and say something, even when its probably not the best idea. At the end of the day if you are okay hearing no, then I think that's the most important part. You have the best idea how he would react to such an advance, but being a seemingly intelligent person and a decent friend, I'm sure he could be gentle and find a way to remain respectful and friendly even if he didn't return your feelings. My general rule is take the path you would regret the least in the future. Nothing is worse than regret. I haven't been let down yet cause at the end of the day Ive always known it was something I had to do.
