It's complicated, do I go for it or not?

I am totally new here and this is my first post. I'm hoping someone can reach out to me with a similar situation. From the beginning my fiancé told me his ex wife was bisexual and they had one experience that ended badly. But that he didn't care if I wanted to be with women just absolutely no other men (she cheated on him multiple times, and him on her as well). This conversation happened before I ever told him anything about my history. Either way, skip a few years ahead and a few ignored hints I dropped about wanting to be with a woman (again, but this is unknown to him at this point) I finally blurt it out. He freaks out at me that "eating is cheating" and can't believe I would ever consider it.. Despite my obvious clues I was also at the very least appreciative of an attractive woman all along. If I made a comment he would jokingly reply "oh you like her huh? Is that called a girl crush?". Anyway, the tension between us lasted for months. Until he finally started asking what it was I wanted to do. But I am afraid now to answer. It isn't worth the pain. If anything at all I would only want the experience to myself and her, because I fear his judgement. He got angry about that and said if I went at it alone it would be cheating if he couldn't even watch. But agreed it was ok for me to have an online profile in attempt to find someone. He works nights and I recently found out he is watching porn.. Two females going at it. I confronted him and it lied to my face, saying he didn't know how it got there, probably a pop up ad. Pff! I didn't believe him for a minute and he later admitted he was watching it fantasizing about one of them being me. I am very hurt that he lied. My anxiety is through the roof, worse than it has ever been. What do I do??

 

Thank you. I agree with the boundaries. I wish there was a way to make talking about it easier.