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Looking for some viewpoints

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by MilkandBird, Jun 11, 2015.

  1. MilkandBird

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Calgary
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Hi,

    A little background information is in order. Im a woman. Met my wife online. Shes always been very butch and that what attracted me to them. We've been married 10 years now. In the last three years she has come to the conclusion they are trans. Now I still use the she pronoun because they haven't asked me to use another one. Although out of respect I often try and use non feminine ones because anything feminine does make them uncomfortable. I have no issues with Transgender. I respect and love my partner and will always always support them anyway I can. My issue is that I identify as lesbian. Im attracted to women and only women. I admittedly have a bit of issues with males in general. So far my partner has not decided to transition. Im really worried what it would mean for our relationship if they did.Cross dressing im fine with. Even using male pronouns. Binding is no issue... What concerns me is the going on T and starting to lose all feminine qualities. I feel like this feeling makes me a horrible partner. I could not deal with body hair and the transitioning into a more masculine body. I want to continue to be supportive of my spouse but I do not know how. I just feel unfathomably guilty that the attraction is going. I would be very uncomfortable being in any kind of intimate situation.
    So I guess my question is, am I just a jerk? What are some ways that I can better understand and accept the changes happening? I dont want to give up on a relationship we've both invested so much in.


    Thanks for listening.
     
  2. Sek

    Sek
    Full Member

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    I don't think you're a horrible person for this happening, because you are only attracted to what you're attracted to and you can't change that no matter how much you love someone. Your sexuality has its limits. If people could force sexuality, closeted gays could happily maintain heterosexual relationships but we know how that works out.

    The only sure way the two of you can get through this is if you both communicate. You both need to know how each other will feel if the transition does/doesn't happen so you can do what's best for you. I'm sure this sounds obvious but I think it's the best solution.
     
  3. mangotree

    Full Member

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    You're not a jerk.
    I think just about anyone would feel the same way.