So I recently told my older sister (married with small kids) that I'm gay and that I don't believe in god, and since she's very traditionally Christian like the rest of my family, she didn't take it well. I basically told her to leave it alone if she wants to remain in my life (she had just compared me to alcoholics and cancer patients, so I nipped that in the bud). We've been pleasant to each other since; however, she and my parents have started slipping things in to their conversations when I'm around, things that seem directed towards me. Tonight she was telling my dad how she feels so sorry for people who don't have kids, because they end up sad and alone once their spouse dies. She doesn't understand or like "people like that." And my dad started talking about how women are taught to think they don't need kids, but end up regretting it because "they were created to have children, and they can't deny the Creator." I'm a guy, but really!? It makes me so angry when they spout this ignorant stuff, but I just kept my mouth shut and pretended to ignore them. I'm not in a good spot in life just now to get vocal about my opinions. I know that their "you'll be alone" argument is flawed, plays on fear, and is simply absurd (we can adopt, after all, right?), but I can't help but feel deeply hurt. Unfortunately, I am very sensitive and easily bruised, and even though they can't convince me that being gay is wrong--I am waaay past that--they are really hurting me emotionally (unintentionally, I know). They are essentially good, kind people, but their medieval beliefs (no exaggeration!) really make my head spin. :bang: I'm not sure why I'm posting this, other than that I really have no one else to turn to. If anyone else has been in a situation like this, or has any brilliant insights, please do share!
1. It's good to vent, that's a great thing about EC! 2. I have had very difficult relations with my family, albeit for different reasons than you. Do you believe you can change their views? Do you believe there is anything wrong with your views? If the answer to both of these is no, then I have another question or so: do you want to go through the rest of your life worrying what they think? And if so, why? Families have a way of manipulating and guilting. It happens with your family clearly, just as it happens with mine. And I would venture to guess just about everyone else on EC. For me, the were two fundamental challenges in my life. The first was coming out to myself, and the second was finding personal closure in regards to the relationship with my manipulative and guilt laden family. I concluded that in order for me to be self fulfilled, my own happiness was not going to be impeded by my family. And I saw no reason why I needed to worry about their own approach to life. As such, I decided I needed to "cut the cord". Cutting the cord means different things to different people. With my father, it meant I could maintain a relationship with him, spend time with him, enjoy his company, but recognize he has flaws and not let those flaws bother me; for my brother, it meant not giving his judgement a second thought; and with my mother it meant that for the sake of both her own well being and my own well being, it is best that we do not maintain any contact any further. My conclusions for each certainly brought me to a period of mourning, but as I look back, I am comfortable that I made the right decisions and, at the end of the day, it's in my best interest.
