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In a relationship with a man and questioning everything

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by missleopard84, Jun 14, 2015.

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  1. missleopard84

    missleopard84
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    Hi peeps. Im new to this site but im so glad ive come across it :slight_smile:. Ive been in hell the last 5 months :bang: I turned 30 last year and thought to myself Im living a lie and need to tell someone who I really am.... then i put it on the backburner for another 6 months as i wasnt ready....but then mentally could not handle it any longer and i told my boyfriend and family i was bisexual. I thought if i told someone i would feel better but i have felt shit and confused ever since. My poor boyfriend gets the brunt of it with my crying and confusion which is not good though im getting better. My situation is that i have been with him for 4 years, own a house, cats and he is my rock. I love him and burst into tears at the thought of hurting him:tears: Problem is
    I often feel numb and not loved at home but i know he loves me and is very accepting of me but i just cant feel it at the moment. I catch myself thinking of girl relationships all the time but dont really want that for myself right now. If i was single itd be totally different but because i have this awesome guy i dont want to give him up. BUT i need to feel closer and get that warm hearted feeling from him to stay. I have thought of having an open relationship but is it fair of me to ask this of him?
     
    #1 missleopard84, Jun 14, 2015
  2. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
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    By whoms standards would it not be fair? You and your boyfriend need to set your own standards.

    That said, are you possibly going through the thought that "the grass is always greener on the other side"? Or, are you interested to "have your cake and eat it to" (I.e. Do you want his companionship but also the physical intimact of being with a woman)?

    Neither is wrong, but it winds like your at the beginning of a journey of both self discovery and figuring out what you want from your relationship.

    We are here to give you perspective. You need to decide what works for you, and only you can do that.
     
    #2 OnTheHighway, Jun 14, 2015
  3. missleopard84

    missleopard84
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    Thank you for replying. I understand what you are saying and your right i am in self discovery. I have alot to figure out but just dont want to hurt my partner. I do realise im not responsible for how he reacts but would like to prevent it as much as possible.
    The issue that i find the hardest is that i think my feelings have changed as i think all the time my relationship is threatened by my revelations like im not connected to him anymore and i hate it :frowning2:
     
    #3 missleopard84, Jun 14, 2015
  4. musicman1982

    musicman1982
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    Hi missleopard84,

    From the sounds of what your saying, I somewhat agree with OnTheHighway. But in a positive there are many people who are bisexual end up loving somebody for the rest of their life. If you are in a loving relationship, as I think you are. Then, what is there to worry about. I understand you are trying to figure out or maybe going through the motions of wanting to know what it's like being with a woman. Think of it as, where do you feeling lay when it comes to your boyfriend and being with a woman. If you feel like you still love your boyfriend, I am not saying to supress your feelings to women, but it should outweigh your feelings because you love him and you want to be faithful. But, if your feelings are stronger for women. As much as it will hurt between the both of you, I'm sure your boyfriend will understand, because he would want to see you happy.

    As I said, don't feel like being bisexual is getting in the way because it shouldn't. It's a small percentage of you, but it's not the whole of you. So regardless of sexual orientation, love is love. I hope things work out, I'm sure it will.
     
    #4 musicman1982, Jun 15, 2015
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