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My friends and family have no idea...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by bounced, Jun 14, 2015.

  1. bounced

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Sydney
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've posted a few times on here before about my best mate that I fell for... while I admit I still have strong feelings for him, and I'm sure that he also had feelings for me (whether or not he still does is irrelevant), I have gotten to the point where I think I am getting over him and I don't want to ever have anything interfere with our friendship. In coming to this realization I have been very stressed and anxious in the last couple of months. Over the past 18 months I have accepted the fact that I am bi - where I balance on the spectrum is what is changing. I feel like falling for my mate unlocked the idea that I could actually be attracted to guys and that for the right one I would actually enter into a relationship with them and if I cared about them enough I would be willing to come out tell my family and friends about it. The problem is that none of my friends or family have a clue about any of this. I am a masculine guy and the way I talk and act is stereotypical for a straight guy. I always talk to my mates about girls and joke around with them. I tell my family about dates I go on with girls and they ask me when I am going to get myself a girlfriend.

    I just don't know what to do... I feel like I am sliding up the other end of the 'bi' scale where I think I might be more attracted to guys than girls. I think if an opportunity presented itself I would get with a guy that I was attracted to (I have never had any sexual encounters with a guy before). The irony is I will probably never get the opportunity without people knowing I am bi in the first place. I live in a small city and word would spread fairly quick if I changed my ****** preferences to find other guys. I feel stuck...

    I know that everyone I care about will be absolutely gob smacked if I revealed my orientation to them. It would be such a big shock and I am really scared of how they will react. I think they would accept me, but I also think they would feel like I have deceived or betrayed them, or else they might think that I am just confused. It will all be incredibl awkward in the beginning and I think that it will take a long time for them to get used to it. I also am really worried about the dynamics in my circle of mates. I love them as friends and am not attracted to any of them sexually, but they will probably think that I am after them and be creeped out by me.

    The thing I fear most is losing my best mate or our relationship deteriorating. Out of everyone he would be the only one who might have some suspicions, because of the way I feel about him I do treat him differently to all my other mates. Because we are so close I fear that he will panic and be paranoid that everyone else thinks that something has gone on between us. I love him like he is my own brother and I don't think I would ever get over our friendship ending.

    It has gotten to the point where my anxiety has stressed me out so much that I think I need to see a psychologist. I feel completely alone and like the walls are closing in on me and there is no one I can talk to about this. The other night I went to bed and started crying and couldn't stop for 2 hours... that is very unlike me, I would have cried 5 times in the past 10 years.

    Thanks for reading, I think I just needed to tell someone about how I'm feeling, as I can't tell anyone else atm. Any responses or feedback would be very much apprecited...
     
  2. m e l v i n

    Full Member

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    heyyy... you're definitely not alone on this one, i'm in the same situation, only difference though is i only like boys.. my friends are straight too, and even though i know they could be accepting and supportive if i would tell them about my sexuality, i'm also scared that it would somehow be awkward and things would be different, so i choose to hide it.. but i know of successful straight-lgbt friendships so i'm keeping my hopes up.. i know time will come.. i hope..

    i can't help much because i'm not out either, i just thought letting you know that there are others on the same situation would make you feel "less alone".. so hey, don't let this bring you down (*hug*) and if ever you want to talk more about this, there are a lot of us here in EC (*hug*) i wish you well bounced (*hug*)
     
  3. nothereanymo

    Regular Member

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    I think being bi is probably one of the most confusing things ever. I can only speak from my experience, but gay people know they're attracted only to same sex, straight people know they're only attracted to opposite sex. We, as bi, have no idea what we are attracted to. I'm often confused and think that maybe I'm gay or maybe I'm a straight.
    It's a very confusing state of mind when you're still figuring it out, so it's perfectly normal to cry about it, even if you're not the type of person to cry often.

    About your question, I think you don't need to come out to EVERYONE at the same time. I would advise you to live your life as you want it and let people think what they want. If they ask you, you can decide if you want to reply or not.
    If you feel like you need to tell someone, that's perfectly natural, but make sure you find someone who you think will accept you no matter what. I've told about 5 people or so and no one ever made a fuss.
     
  4. hubcap

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2015
    Messages:
    30
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    Location:
    Ont
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Sounds like my life. I completely understand, but unfortunately I have no advice to offer.
     
  5. charlatan

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Malaysia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I've felt like you before. I was gay, but all my friends (pretty much all guys) were straight. I had a hard time telling them, but I basically picked them off one by one, telling the guys who were like my "little bros" first and worked my way up from there. It definitely starts off really hard to even say the word "...gay" right after the word "I'm..." but after a few tries you'll be able to do it.

    Now I'm out to all my close friends and they're cool with it. But the whole 'interested in them' thing is touchy they might be offended either way anyways, so just tell them the truth. You're not interested in them. Also mention to them that they can ask any questions if they're curious and try not to get angry at them if they seem ignorant.

    But then you're in Sydney! I thought people were more open in the big city anyways. I'm Chinese with some Chinese friends in a Muslim country and actually some of them are Catholics too. So... yeah it could've turned out pretty bad for me.

    That's my two cents, so good luck with your friends :slight_smile: