I think I'm too clingy

You could just find another clingy guy. For some people like me it's easy to be alone, but most people are more dependent on relationships. You may just be the type that needs a relationship. No need to deprive yourself.

 

To change my anxiety behaviour I first had to watch myself closely and note the undesirable actions or thought processes. Then slowly adapt them to more desirable ones. It takes time and a lot of self reflecting but I think the concept can be applied to any behaviour someone wants to change.

It sounds simple but by taking incremental steps the new behaviours will be more natural over time.

 

I'm the same way sometimes. I've actually just learned to temper it by distracting myself when I can feel myself getting that way. For example, going for a workout, or texting a friend, or hanging out with my family instead. Sometimes I can't temper it though and I've just learned to accept I can kinda be like that even though I am simultaneously very independent (kinda weird). Anyway, my bf has explicitly told me it doesn't bother him so as long as I don't go overboard then I don't think its as bad as most people make it out to be.

 

I've been having the "clingy" problem with my gay roommate. He seems to be always wanting to spend time with me (I'm busy, and I am not comfortable spending one-on-one time with him) all the time. He seems to not get the message.

Don't get me wrong, I'm cool with him but I don't spend one-on-one time with other guys or any girls I am not interested in! It's across the board!

 

I don't think is him being "clingy" so much as you not being a very good friend. All I hear is "unless I want to sleep with you, I have no interest in talking or hanging out".

 

Distracting yourself is good advice and that is exactly what I do.. But it's important to be able to recognise whether you are being clingy, or just being neglected. Sometimes we take for granted the fact that different people have different levels of needing connection, and you might just be in a relationship that won't fulfill you in the long run.

 

I do have a bit of a clingy streak, but for me it's mainly a question of building a routine.

So: my boyfriend and I have a very specific time in a day when we focus on just talking to each other. How our day was, what's keeping us awake at night, exchanging "I love you"s, and "OMG, you have to see this cool youtube clip!"

Any other time, we can definitely try to chat, call, or text, but unless we explicitely say it's urgent, a reply is not explicitely needed. It's more like "cool thoughts I wanted to share". Sometimes when we talk, we literally flip back through the WhatsApp log to see what has come up during the preceding day that wasn't addressed at the time.

And even then, we try to account for sometimes needing some solitude. If either of us is urgently busy, it is OK to say "Can we skip talk time or today?", and just make up for it some other time.


I know that the above can seem a bit calculated. And I guess that at first it was. It was literally: from so late to so late, let's dedicate time to each other. But after a few weeks, it has become second nature feels no less spontaneous than anything else we do!
(Just for clarity: I don't live together with my boyfriend. Obviously when we're physically together, we don't sit staring in silence until the appointed hour )