Just ranting here. So my sister has really bad anxiety with depression so she's really often in a bad place and I know being there gives you tunnel vision and makes you selfish and stuff.... But i feel like she has absolutely no concept that just because she's in an awful place, doesn't make my struggles okay. Like, I have serious issues with eating and always have and she feel that cause she barely eats at the moment because of her anxiety that I have nothing to complain about. *But she doesn't see that she has anxiety so she doesn't get hungry/have an appetite, whereas the reason I get anxiety is just food in general (I don't have an eating disorder, I'm just super fussy and have always been and have annoying dietary requirements that restrict my diet even further). Mine is a cause, hers is an effect. She doesn't even see that I've spent years stressing over my sexuality despite the fact that I came out to her. Particularly last year. She just makes me feel like my feelings are invalid. I just wish she didn't think I didn't have anything to be anxious about just because hers is worse. the reality is i don't let her see most of it anyway.
I'm sorry that you are having a hard time with your sister. Have you tried talking to her about any of your feelings?
I can relate. I have a brother who suffers from social anxiety more than I ever did and yet one would imgaine that he would be considerate to my personal issues but he use to bring them up all the time and make light of them. It took a long time for me to realize that he didn't realize how he was making me feel. I always thought he was being cruel, but he just was being flippant because well its part of his nature and his awareness of others seems low. I'm not sure how we improved our relationship... I think it was growth on both of our parts. Over the past few years I really had to step up and assist him with social interactions and I think that helped him see my personal hurdles that I face. Regardless how it came to be our relationship improved. Sometimes it takes time and a guiding hand for others during adversity to see the knots that bind us and hold us back.
I've given up talking to my sister. She's in a bad place and a little beyond caring about anything. I feel like I've tried to have the "Well, actually, I'm having a bad time too..." conversation and her response it basically what I posted, along with "You think YOU have it bad" etc. We used to be really close, and I guess we still are... But she definitely takes me for granted a lot of the time. I can't exactly talk to her about my biggest problems, as basically they're her. And to tell her that would be unfair and just put more on her and make her feel guilty for turning to me and do it less, then everything just gets worse. It's at the point and has been for a while where I'm scared to speak to her or bring anything up. I was slightly impatient with her the other day as I wanted to go to bed and she wanted help with planning her busy weekend and she just had a panic attack. I'm not even allowed to want to go to bed at a reasonable time, let alone bring up touchy topics. I'm the one that deals with the fallout when she has a melt down. I do everything for her to the point that its affecting my own health and she sees nothing but herself. I know it's partly her anxiety and depression, but she's always been a bit like this. OfTheKokiri I'm glad it's not just me. And I'm really happy that you two get on better now. Maybe when my sister gets some help I'll be able to rebuild some of what I've lost with her.
There's a book called Dealing with Difficult People. It discusses strategies for disarming these people. I think there are 6 types like Know-it-all, Steamroller, etc. It defines each one and teaches you how to deal with them. She may not fit exactly but it might help you in the moment to have the tools to stop her before she thoroughly upsets you. There's probably a website with this info. Google the title and see what comes up. (It might be How to Deal with Difficult People.)
