1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is it okay to avoid these sorts of people?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by SoshySheri, Jun 18, 2015.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. SoshySheri

    SoshySheri
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2015
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Hi, I'm a lesbian I've been out for five years, but still it something that comes up, i get super emotional finding out that old friends I've known for years are convinced that I'm gay by choice or that being gay is a choice, being told that they beleive it's a choice is really offensive to me, I've been bullied since before puberty, abused, homeless, a d raped, all because I'm a lesbian and we'll people don't accept that part of myself, I stay calm and simply tell them that I have been through a lot to call my self a lesbian and I would rather choose to not go through any of that, but you see its not a choice. But anyhow it makes me feel super sad that old friends I've known for years think that way and it makes me depressed being around them when they just simply regent a part of who I am, and it feels like they don't respect me.
     
    #1 SoshySheri, Jun 18, 2015
  2. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Yup, completely fine. Those people are toxic and you should stay FAR away from them.
     
    #2 Fallingdown7, Jun 18, 2015
  3. Andrew99

    Andrew99
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2013
    Messages:
    3,402
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Milwaukee
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Absoloutley don't hang around people that won't accept you and bring you down. I avoid those types of people completely.
     
    #3 Andrew99, Jun 18, 2015
  4. resu

    resu
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hello, I merged your duplicate threads.

    It's perfectly okay to avoid intolerant and homophobic people. They were not true friends if they can't unlearn these hateful ideas, and most of the time it's peer pressure that makes them continue the hate. No one is born homophobic. Friendships don't always last forever. In any case, it sounds like it is time for you to expand your new friend group as an out and proud lady.
     
    #4 resu, Jun 18, 2015
  5. SoshySheri

    SoshySheri
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2015
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Thanks, my computer skills aren't the best, the majority of my friends are very nice to me, it makes me sad because some of these people I've known since I was a kid like over ten years, they'll say they think it's a choice and refuse to lissen to me and than expect me to just change the subject and pretend that it's not distroying me inside, and one of my best friends who says she accepts me, still want me to go hang out with one of these friends, she dosent understand how hard it is for me, and I don't have the words, and he's nice to me but at the same time I know now what he thinks and I'm not able to get past it. I'm going to pride in a week for the first time maybe I'll make some new friends, I'm also very quiet and shy most of the time so I have a hard time making friends, I'm the type of girl who has a few really deep friendships, an introvert making friends makes me nervous but the site has helped me alot
     
    #5 SoshySheri, Jun 18, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2015
  6. resu

    resu
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You should just try to limit your time with such people. Tell your best friend that you feel uncomfortable with that unaccepting friend and give examples; she may be able to talk to him in private.

    I know how it feels to be shy and introverted. I think going to pride will be really helpful. There will probably be some other new people who are just as nervous. Just try to push yourself to talk to others and look for people with similar interests.
     
    #6 resu, Jun 19, 2015
  7. SoshySheri

    SoshySheri
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2015
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Thanks, I have talked with her, one time I said to this friend who thought it was a choice why don't you be gay for a week and see how it goes, then my best friend tried to change the subject, she probably just wants us to all get along, he's like it's not that I think there's anything g wrong with being gay just that it's a choice, but to me this isn't okay.
     
    #7 SoshySheri, Jun 19, 2015
  8. resu

    resu
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Some people just don't think deeply. Try asking how he knows he is straight and if he ever chose to be straight? Moreover, why would someone choose to be gay?
     
    #8 resu, Jun 19, 2015
  9. SoshySheri

    SoshySheri
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2015
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I did he just says it's not the same thing
     
    #9 SoshySheri, Jun 19, 2015
  10. BAMyr59

    BAMyr59
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2015
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minnesota
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    There is nothing wrong with avoiding people who hurt you, or will hurt you. Either emotionally or physically.
     
    #10 BAMyr59, Jun 20, 2015
  11. resu

    resu
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,968
    Likes Received:
    395
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    How old are you and your friends? "It's not the same thing" is a bad excuse. Ask him to explain when sexual orientation is a choice and when it isn't with reasons.
     
    #11 resu, Jun 20, 2015
  12. SoshySheri

    SoshySheri
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2015
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Thanks, we're 25, if we were younger I wouldn't feel as sad as I do because by this time he is probably set in his beleifs, it makes me so sad and tired, anyways thankyou all for your support I haven't been online in some time but I appreciate your advice
     
    #12 SoshySheri, Jul 27, 2015
  13. Sanna

    Sanna
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2014
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah, just talk with those people less while transitioning to a new group of friends. That's what I do when people say that my orientation is fake/result of trauma/etc.
     
    #13 Sanna, Jul 27, 2015
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)