Hello and sorry for not being active.. I graduated high-school two weeks ago, and I've been going through a lot. So here's the background of it all. So last March, I moved to my dad's full time 20 minutes north, and she moved in with her extremely conservative boyfriend. She has changed over the last few years, and we have barely talked since she moved. So last week, I sent her a picture (attached) which is a period joke, which I have known her to be an extremely raunchy humored person along with myself. However, she took strong offense to that, and DIDN'T say anything. I also wrote a thank you letter to her boyfriend's parents (I have not met them) for their graduation gift. The ending of that is also attached on here. I sent her the same picture, and she got mad about that too and didn't tell me. So earlier today, my dad pulled me aside for a conversation about how I was being sexist. He even compared me to a misogynist when telling me about the period joke. I can find compromise with this part, but the part that was really polarizing was the end of the letter. When I showed my mom that, she showed no sign of anger, but portrayed that to my dad before talking to me. When he discussed the end of the letter, he went on about how my gay pride was consuming my character, and he also used the words obnoxious, and even inconsiderate. That offended me. The thing that really angers me is the fact that she didn't bother talking to me, and also the fact that my parents seemed to be annoyed with my pride. SO long story short I told my mom through text I will only make one attempt to contact her, and that would be three weeks from now on the 8th. If she doesn't answer then, I won't make anymore attempts at building a relationship with her, and this kinda does suck because I don't plan on keeping my dad in my life either. So basically I'll have no parents in my life, don't know about my sister or cousins, have spotty friends, and I am also diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. My hands are pretty tied up with what I can do, and I don't understand why my parents are being like this. Even if the period joke was fucked up, also consider the fact she stopped talking BEFORE I sent it, and also consider she is more sensitive than she used to be (which surprised me). My parent's attitude towards my homosexuality is that it is something that cannot be changed, and it is also something that is a part of me. They accept this. But the thing they don't accept is gay pride. They think it's something that should be hidden. Can I get some insight? What can I do? Who's in the wrong? PLEASE? I an in a time of crisis. Thank you..
That joke isn't even that bad....I see worse stuff on my grandma's facebook page.... I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully you can somewhat reconcile but if you need to cut them off, then it needs to be done.
Thanks a lot to you and the first poster. And Yea that is my goal to reconcile, but idk. And IKR IT WAS A JOKE.
Funny jokes. They are the ones in the wrong, we live in a prejudiced world and we need to be able to express our pride anytime we feel so inclined. It's a very good thing to be able to have the courage to show we accept ourselves when we are surrounded by hate, never a bad thing. <3 I am sooo sorry you have to go through all of this, you deserve a loving family who is there for you. Luckily we DO get to choose our family, sometimes they come into our lives a little later than others. We are here for you, I wish I had good advice, but just want to wish you the best in your journey. (*hug*) I hope they come around to their senses, they would miss out if they choose to ignore their child like that! ride:
Sucks you have to go through that! But stick to your guns! Life's too short to waste time trying to build relationships with people that aren't putting in enough effort, if people think you're too proud or don't want to make an effort, cut them out of your life, no matter who it is. Unfortunately family isn't always what its cracked up to be, but you have no obligation to keep trying to make things work. You have to do what's right for yourself, first and foremost As for the period joke, I am a female, and I find it funny and for me personally it's some what true :')
Actually, there might be a couple of things... With the "your gay son..." comment, it's like you're belittling the rest of yourself, sweeping it all aside, and only focusing on sexuality. Say you play guitar, would you write "your guitar-playing son..." and talk about guitar pride? To me it sounds like a reaction to feeling oppressed, so now you're in a political stand-off against your parents, being territorial by being extra proud and fighting back against their oppression. Maybe they deserve it, but you also need to look out for your own interests instead of trying to force other people to change. Why are you more interested in "being right" rather than worrying about where you're going to live? Also, from their point of view, it's like between the lines, you're actually saying "hey there, relatives! I'm trying to embarrass my mom by telling YOU that I'm gay! Who cares that I'm recklessly outing my sexuality to strangers in the process. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make!" https://en.wikipedia.org/?title=Cutting_off_the_nose_to_spite_the_face Sorry if I didn't sound more supportive in my reply. I'm proudly standing up for my point of view, in an attempt to force you to change yours :icon_wink
Thanks everyone! I understand a lot of what you're saying. I also understand that I'm belittling the rest of my traits for this, but it's also an attempt to defend myself again people that make me feel belittled. They scorn at my pride; call it crude. I understand the implications of the situation I'm in, but at the same time, this is a struggle to keep my character in close sight. I'm not gonna mindlessly follow what my conservative parents believe. And I'm not gonna let my mom's change in character get to me either. It shouldn't matter if I mention my sexuality, but the fact that it does matter means we have a lot further to go before we achieve societal acceptance.
The joke is quite funny. I actually showed it to my sisters. They thought it was hilarious. As far as your parents go... There is never anything wrong with being proud of who you are. The fact that your parents are annoyed with the fact that you are proud and open about yourself... that sounds like a shortcoming of theirs not yours. Parents should be happy with their kids as long as they are being good and safe and true to themselves. Really that's all a parent hopes for... it's unfortunate that this happened, but in truth, it sounds like your mother is maybe fishing for a reason to be upset with you. Perhaps your father is in a difficult position if he's feeling like you were cruel to your mother (your funny joke) and if he feels that your humor is based on your sexuality (I'm actually not too sure about the correlation between those two) then I suppose he could feel like he has to stick up for your mother. Maybe he just chose his words poorly. Your family situation is very unfortunate. I don't know anything at all about support groups, but perhaps you could look into them. A place you can go or people who can help you. It would be unfortunate to lose your family because of your sexuality. Perhaps you could have a sit down with your parents and try to make them understand. And hey, maybe your mom was so upset because it was just that time of the month.
