Hi. I am a lesbian and have never had close female friends- My close friends are boys. There is a woman I work with and I can't figure out if she likes me a close friend or if she likes me more than that. Never having had any close female friends, I'm finding it hard to understand and need help! I'm going to try and keep this concise. Before she has said to me that if she wasn't married she would go for me as she thought I was sexy and pretty. I thought she was just being nice. This was some time ago. She also said one time that she didn't know if she was straight or gay and thought it was all about the person you fall for. She would briinging up gay subjects when we chatted but I thought that she was being nice to me in that no one else ever ventured into that aspect of my life. A bit ago I said I was leaving. I don't think she took it seriously until a couple of weeks ago when I said I had applied for a new job. She acted cold towards me and just about ignored me. A group of us went out and we were talking about not keeping in contact with people we used to know. She said she pushes people away if she knows that they won't be in her life no more because she likes people more than friends sometimes and that hurts. I wondered if that had anything to do with it. I'll also add she asked one of the women who said she had gone to an all girls school whether she had slept with any girls there. While we were there she did act friendly again a couple of times, once trying to stop me paying by grabbing my arms and holding them there and again resting her was on my shoulder when she was laughing too hard. Fast forward this week. She asks how I am and I said really good. For some reason she asks does this mean I am not leaving. I say actually I'm not leaving. She was really happy and talking to me all over again. She later asks me out for lunch. On our way she straight away brings up when she asked the other girl about having sex with girls and said she was joking. I was like um ok.... But all the closeness was back, like nearly tripping over each other cos we were walking so close, when we were stood ordering her body was up against mine. When she was talking she was bringing up how this other girl at our work really fancied her and how this girl always wanted to take her to gay places. She was saying that she isn't gay but if she was then she wouldn't go for this other girl. I realise now I should have asked who she would go for (we always think after the event!!). In the car we were talking and she called me her sweetheart. As I go to leave the office she straight away looks up and does this double high five thing and is really excited to chat again. So I'm wondering if she likes me more than a friend or if she just feels really comfortable with me?
Sounds like she could be slightly confused and still working herself out, but reading the signs it seems to me she likes you more than a friend because she got upset that you were thinking about leaving. Maybe next time you're chatting invite her out for a drink and food just you and her, take a few hours to chat and get to know each other. I find if she likes you more than a friend if she tries to hold eye contact, moves in close almost sitting on you, the subtle touch of your arm or leg and doesn't flinch or move away if you do get too close and she wants to know everything about you. That's the only thing with women that aren't out or still questioning she'll have everything running through her mind from how will people act around me, to will I loose friends/ family if I come oout.......give her time, be available for her but you can just ask her when you've got to know each other better
