Hello everyone, A few months ago I finally made the step to come out to some of my friends and family as being bi (pan) sexual. I'd admitted it to myself earlier this year and was finally comfortable telling other people. Part of this was a girl at the Ambulance department that I volunteer for. I'd found her attractive and then found out she was bisexual. Through a mutual friend, she found out I was not the straight person our mutual friend thought me to be. Anyway we had a fun night texting and hitting it off. A few days later we found some time alone and had a really fun night and got to know each other rather intimately. There's been one other night since then but after that, nothing. It's been a few months now. We are both EMTs taking the Advanced EMT class so we've been busy and haven't had a lot of time to do stuff outside of work and class, but I'm disappointed. I had a conversation with her via text a couple of weeks ago because I was wondering where I stand with her. She has an ex boyfriend that she shares four years of history with and the two of them are still friendly. I knew going into this that she wasn't looking to date anybody, but just have fun. However, it feels like she's dating this guy and not really giving me a chance even though she says she wants to. I asked her if I should leave her alone or wait because I DO like her and she said if she were me she'd hang on. And that she needs to figure herself with her ex out. It sounds promising but I don't know! I guess I'm just frustrated. I really like her. I want to get to know her more - which we have been doing just as friends - but I'm sick of sharing her with her ex. And not even sharing, because I know he's first. Any suggestions for keeping my mind off of this whole thing? I've considered saying I'm done and just leaving this but I DO like her and would love to continue what we had. I just wish the guy was out of the picture and I could have her all to myself!!
Move on girl. I've spend the last 10 years waiting for someone and it's not worth it. You shouldn't have to wait for anyone. Unfortunately it's taken me so long so I don't wish the same on others. You're first and biggest step was coming out so congrats! As far as keeping your mind off of things, it'll be hard but just stay busy! Talk to friends, find hobbies other than work and just remind yourself that you deserve someone that'll give you 100%!
I agree with shlee23. If you feel up to it you could still keep up your friendship, but I wouldn't hang around waiting for more than that. Because what if she decides to stay with her ex in the end? All that time spent waiting would be for nothing, and might make it harder for you to let go of wanting more than she can give you. You deserve better than that
It sounds like you need to find LGBT friends of your own so that you aren't focused on this girl. She is trying to play both sides, which is unfair to you, and so you might consider being honest and saying you really want something more substantial than what she's offering. If she still wants to be with her ex, then that is her choice.
Move on. The fact that she's telling you to wait and stringing you along shows that she's taking you for granted, or that you're her fallback if things go bad with her boyfriend again. You deserve better.
I've waited for someone before but realized it was pointless. A wise man once said, there's always more fish in the sea.
I don't know this person, but she seems a little shady making plans with someone when she's thinking about another. I'd save the heartbreak and find someone else, you don't deserve to be the fallback plan when she crash and burns.
Thanks for the advice you guys! The hardest part for me right now is that this is the first girl I've ever really liked romantically and actually told that to. Now that she knows and I know she does like me back it's tough because I want it to work even though it's not looking that promising. Part of my problem is that I don't know many LGBTQ people in my day to day life. I have a friend who wanted to set up a date for me with his friend... but it's a guy. I've been with a guy and I DO like guys, but right now I'm more interested in seeing what I think about women.
I'm still feeling very indecisive about this. Is it silly for me to wait until later this summer and keep hoping until then? Wait a bit and giver her some space and then try talking about the situation and see where she's at? I just don't want to give up... I don't have anyone else I'm really interested in right now so it's not like I'm not giving someone else a chance.
I have a different opinion than the rest. I'm also bisexual. I think if you like her like you say you do then you two should sit down and talk about it and get all the feelings out there. And see where it goes from there. Waiting is a big risk.. but if you feel like it may be worth it then I say go for it.
Since she's technically still single, I'd recommend that you give her some time to figure things out. How long has it been since she broke up with her ex boyfriend? I think this ^ may determine your chance with her. Most people aren't ready to jump into something serious after getting out of a relationship. However, everyone is different and she may be ready to move on from her ex and onto you. Whatever you do, be careful. Don't invest any more time into being with her (sexually & romantically) until you find out where you stand with her. Good luck!!
Hey thanks for the help you guys! I found out tonight that her ex got into a motorcycle accident this weekend. And that she referred to him as her boyfriend. That kind of made me think okay, that's it then. They're together. I DO think we need to sit down and talk and see what she is thinking but now with the accident and her being worried about him I'm going to give get some space at least until he's doing a little better. On a side note, I would not have been in this accident. He wasn't wearing a helmet and a car hit him and he broke his neck. Not his spinal cord so he's lucky, but still. I'm a little hurt that she didn't tell me about the accident and I had to find out in class tonight - two days later - since we text and have a decent friendship. However, I'm sure this freaked her out. Her name is Kaitlin, btw. The "ex" is Tim, whom I've never met.
