Hey guys! I'm in need of some advice so I shall be quick and brief. Oh, and please be constructive as possible as I am in a slight state of disarray over this and I need honesty and truth. OK so I have been getting to know this guy over the internet, we've become very close and naturally I have developed really close feelings towards him, likewise he has expressed these same feelings towards me, sometimes in a much stronger way than I have, even getting jealous of a certain friend of mine because we're so close; he's even cried over me, telling me he doesn't me to leave him when we had our first argument. So anyway...he has baggage. Baggage in the form of his 'best friend', his 'ex', whom he used to have a thing with. They were never sexually involved, but they did tell each other they loved each other (for the sake of this thread let's call my crush X). X expressed this love as actual love, and so did his friend. Unfortunately, fortunately? His friend then told X that he could never be romantically involved with another boy and that he likes girls and preferred it when they were best friends. This hurt X obviously, but he has known his best friend for 8 months, they met online, then real-life as they both live in the same country. X has been speaking to his friend everyday and everynight for months so his friend is someone he has grown very attached to, so much so it has gotten to the point were he cannot imagine his life without his friend and he can't leave him because X will feel bad because he knows his friend will be equally as lost. I know this to be true as his friend is incredibly jealous of me, or he feels threatened, (I met X while playing a game called SMITE, the same game he met his friend on) and when X told his friend about me, his friend since then has just refused to play with me. This results in me being unable to play with X as X will not leave his friend to come to me...he doesn't have it in him to stand up to his friend and tell him what he wants, he just follows his friend like a lost puppy. If his friend doesn't want me to play with him he wont play with me. He'll still speak to me, but he won't play with me. A few days ago I had managed to convince him his friend needed to go as he was too controlling over X's life, he could stay if he wanted to remain friends but X had to tell him how things were, and that he cant control him anymore. X agreed and told me he just needed time to think everything through as his feelings for me and my coming into his life also hit him very fast, this I understand, so he plucks up the courage and gets ready to leave his friend. He texts his friend asking if his friend loves him, his friend told him there was no sexual love, but friendship love, and this made X cry. He went and cried to his mum for 20 minutes. He told me he cried because the truth always hurts and it wasn't because he still had feelings. He insists he doesn't feel that way and his friend his more like his brother. He went to bed and the next day we both played a game of SMITE together, but straight after he tells me he cant just leave his friend and he left me to go play with his friend right away... What annoys me further is when he is speaking to his friend, he sometimes just ignores me, or he takes FOREVER to reply, I even have to write something again to make sure he sees it and even then it takes a while...I am really paranoid as I am unsure whether he has feelings for his friend still or he is telling me the truth and it's just him being weak and unable to leave him. I am confused because I went through the same thing, I fell in love with my friend and we spoke and did everything together everyday for 8 months, then my friend left me and I was heartbroken; I was lost because he was all I'd known for 8 months and I didn't have any idea what to do from that point on. I don't know if X is telling the truth or if it's something more... ...which comes to the thread title: Should I leave? Is this me treading in dangerous waters? I have feelings for X and I think we could be almost-perfect together so I want to stay and hope he's telling the truth and it's just time he needs, or do I leave before I get even more attached? I cut my losses and end this before it turns into something really ugly for myself?
This is a strange situation, and I think you might need to be realistic about what you want out of this relationship. Can you ever meet X in person? Why does he keep asking his friend if he loves him? It seems weird that he would like that friend as a brother yet lets that guy control how he acts with you. Also, why should X "leave" his friend? It seems like he could be nice to both of you. In general, you might ask yourself if you and X are really giving the same effort (time/energy).
OK I'll be clear. I'm not asking him to leave his friend. I never proposed that. I proposed X be honest with his friend and simply tell him how it is so we can progress from there. I'd never expect him to leave a friend. But this particular friend regardless has only caused him pain. X said to me today "You don't know how much I hate him. How much pain I go through everyday." Which makes me even more confused as to why he refuses to part with his friend. And yes I can. I am more than happy to travel to him whenever in order to see each other. Distance isn't the problem for me. And I don't know why. And I agree, it does seem weird. It's apparent we're not giving the same time/energy. I'm giving much more. But he just puts it down to because of his friend.
