Don't know how much longer I can deal with mom

Hang in there! It gets better, even if it does take an unreasonably long time.

A family session with a therapist might help if you haven't already had one. My mum wouldn't listen to anything I had to say when I came out, but as soon as an authority figure was there to guide her she really started putting an effort into trying to understand me.

A book called True Selves also really helped her. Could you get your mum to read it, or some other trans resources?

Hope at least some of this helps!

 

You could do the same to her, I mean to call her dad and use male pronoun with her. I can't guarantee you it'll make her understand but she might. :icon_wink

 

I've already made up my mind. my family is not going to be a part of life if they keep this act up I'm sick of getting on my knees for their love and acceptance.

 

Well, even if her constant transphobia never ends, she still can't change who you are inside. No amount of harassment will ever change that you are you.

No matter what, you are still you.

 

Try to ignore it. It's all very difficult for a Mom, and she has feelings to work out too.
Often when we are hurt, we react with anger instead of simply saying, You know Mom, when you call me he, it feels like you are stabbing me right in the heart because inside I am a she. I know this is hard for you to adjust to, but I really need your support Mom. I don't want this to ruin our relationship.

 

It takes a lot of time sometimes, and more patience than we think we have. Out to my parents for more than 2 year and they don't use the right pronouns.

Hang in there.

 

I still have this problem... with my whole family actually... and it's been a couple of years now. My dad actually told me, 'when you've actually legally become a man then I'll acknowledge you as a man'. That actually made me pretty happy because that's the most I've gotten from all of them, but still I wish sometimes that they'd just wrap their heads around it and accept it already. At the same time though, you have to look at it from your parents' point of view. It is a difficult thing (I imagine) to get used to. Knowing your kid as something and someone for their entire lives, then all of a sudden they are someone completely different. It makes a parent question themselves, especially a parent who doesn't entirely understand what it means to be transgender.

I'll give you an example from a parent's perspective. My son decided that he wanted to change his name suddenly. He introduces himself now as 'Siris' rather than the name he was born with. He writes Siris on all of his homework assignments; when he makes out birthday cards he signs Siris. This actually annoyed me at first. He's been one person his entire life, now all of a sudden he's deciding that he wants to be someone else... was the person he was before not good enough? Was the name I gave him not good enough? Are there things about himself that he dislikes and so he feels the need to change himself? If so, did I cause him to dislike himself? ...

It may sound silly, but these were actually things that I thought about when he told me he was going to change his name. I wondered what else about himself he wanted to change, his speech, his clothes, the shows he watches...? It never went that far, but it was something that I wondered about or maybe even feared.

Parents... we look at things differently. When something happens to our kids, when they make a decision or a declaration, we wonder why over and over again, no matter what it is. No matter how simple. We feel responsible for everything our kids do. For everything they feel. I don't know your relationship with your mother and it's unfortunate that she exhausts you so, but perhaps you both would benefit from having a conversation about the things bothering you both. Maybe instead of just being upset about her choice of words, you can ask her why she does it. Maybe you both could learn something about the other.