Earlier this year, I met up with a childhood friend who’s been out as bisexual for years. She casually mentioned her new girlfriend and made me feel like I could tell her anything without fear of being judged. A few months later, I went over her house and confessed. This was the first time I’d ever called myself “pansexual” out loud to anyone. Since then, I’ve told my younger sister and a few people I only know through tumblr. I want to tell more of my friends, but I’m afraid of going public. The problem is my father. Over the past few years, my dad has become extremely fanatical about religion. He began watching this tv-broadcasted sermon called The Shepherd’s Chapel, and has become obsessed with what he considers to be the one true interpretation of the Bible. He likes to quote that one verse that says that no man should lay with a man. He constantly reminds me that it’s a sin and “unnatural” because cis men/women were “made to procreate.” He thinks anyone who isn’t straight and cisgender is either from Cain’s/the Devil’s “seed” or is being manipulated by the devil. He thinks any hardships gay or trans people face is punishment from God. He thinks trans people are committing a sin by “disagreeing with the way God made them, because He makes no mistakes.” He thinks climate change is fake and a sign of the world ending, which is happening because God is angry with gay and trans people. He uses slurs all the time, including when talking about my bisexual friend in her absence. He thinks he’s one of the “chosen few” who know the actual truth--anyone who thinks differently is going to hell. Whenever I try to stick up for my friend/disagree, he tells me I’m too young to understand because my brain's underdeveloped (I’ll be 23 tomorrow). To him, he’s always right because he’s read the Bible. I have no idea if I can ever tell him the truth. I’ve put off the idea of dating anyone out of fear for my own safety. I’m a recent, debt-saddled college grad who’s struggling to find reliable employment, so I can’t afford to move out of my parents' house. I’ve also had depression for over a decade and this situation has only made it worse. Ever since I came out to my friend, I’ve struggled with really unsafe thoughts. I’m also afraid I could be missing out on some great people by being too afraid. I just want my dad to love and accept me, without me needing to lie about it.
Please know that none of it is your fault. This is 100+%, ONLY on your dad, it's he who is wrong and he who should be ashamed of himself, not you. You are an incredible daughter. If it had been me, I would have long since given up on him. He has no idea of the pain he's causing you. You are so strong for being able to not hate him for being so mean; and if that's not Tolerance and Forgiveness, I don't know what is. It can be extremely difficult to get people who believes so blindly in twisted moral systems to even consider thinking a different way. I want you to promise yourself, promise yourself, that you will prioritize your own happiness over his acceptance. If you come out he will likely try to hurt you by saying bad things to you and so on... please don't be surprised if he will, in fact, prioritize his beliefs over your feelings. I've never heard of situations like these hitting a slam dunk right away. But if you take it really slowly you might be able to 'win him over'. Keep talking about LGBT issues. My suggestion is, do not argue with him, ever. Let him have his completely fictional and irrational thoughts. Instead, focus on the good things. Like "you remember my friend? She was so nice today." "Which one?" "You know, [the bisexual one]." "Oh, that one..." "Yeah, she helped some kids who were looking for their mom find her!" Things like that. Things to make him understand we're just people. Hope that helps... Also, I have mood swings including depression, so I know how you feel about that. Feel free to wall me anytime.
My parents love Shepherd's Chapel too! It's disturbing. I have mental health issues and am stuck living with my parents as well right now. This kind of prejudice does do a number on one's well being, I know. <3 I like Becki's post, good advice there I think. There's no guarantee they will ever come to their sense, as sad as it is. But you do deserve to be happy, congrats on the bravery of coming out to your friend! That's amazing! Whatever they do, you are not alone. You are strong enough to make it past their nonsense and wrongdoings. (*hug*) I am sorry you have to deal with this though. (&&&)
I am really sorry about this terrible situation. Perhaps what you could try and do is steer your dad into more compassionate streams of Christianity, maybe even some hands-on stuff like volunteering at [Christian] charities. One thing that is very dangerous about televangelism is that they can dominate the conversation and thought processes of susceptible people. Frankly, it's basically fundamentalism, which never is helpful. But, in reality you must get over the fear that you need your father's acceptance to be happy with your own life. Yes, it's very tough to think someone who raised you could be this way, but it is his choice. Homophobia is the real lifestyle choice. Try to focus on near-term goals like getting a stable job and even considering moving with roommates.
^resu's advice fully seconded. On the note of trying to get him into other, better Christian news channels, you could tell him (a white lie if so be) "Hey dad, I watched this great Christian news channel!", maybe even watch it with him; some other, not fundamentalist channel, that is. Then he could start becoming more moderate and perhaps, in the end, accepting. And remember, The Escapist^ is right. You're not alone. You have millions of rainbows ready to lift you up if you fall, and other people like your friend, who care about you. (*hug*)
