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Can't get a read on a guy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Zapkat22, Jun 29, 2015.

  1. Zapkat22

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've been friends with this guy for a good amount of time. I'd say 2 to 3 years but in the last year I've grown to have some feelings for him. The weird thing is I'm completely out to everyone at college. But since I'm back home I'm not out to anyone. So he doesn't know I'm gay.

    Anyway lets call this guy Dennis. Dennis unlike all my other friends will hang out with just me where as my other friends prefer large group gatherings. We also will talk about our feelings to each other. I'm not sure when that started happening but he has closer friends that he doesn't even do that with. Some characteristics about him are that he really likes talking about attractive girls. Like a lot. But he talks about one girl in particular. The girl he says he likes. He talks about her a lot and I always find it off putting. It kinda feels like he's trying too hard to like this girl.

    Two nights in a row we went to see a movie with a group of friends. The first night I sat to Dennis's right. I was kinda leaning towards him and he started leaning towards me by putting his elbow on our shared armrest. We were touched shoulder to shoulder and occasionally for spans of 4 to 5 minutes. So this was like woaw what's going on. The next night I chose to sit on the other side of him in case that's was just his usual leaning position but the same thing happened.

    Lately Dennis has been teasing another one of my friends that often hangs out with thee two of us. He's jokingly mentions that he has a boy friend. He'll say I'm just kidding after but would do it a lot.

    One of the more jarring things though is he's been pretty depressed lately. He says some things have been bothering him lately but doesn't know how to tell me. He also mentioned that he knows these things shouldn't bother him at all but they really do. Dennis says he'll tell me when he figures out how but its been about a month and still nothing.

    Not only do I want to figure this out cause I like him but I really want him to start feeling better and to be happy again. Does anyone have any tips for my situation?
     
  2. Alexadventurer

    Regular Member

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    As someone who has a lot of straight guy friends (and a fair few I've developed feelings for - I NEVER learn) - we tend to look for things that arent there. I even studied a phenomenon in psychology where the brain will interpret something the way you want it to in some cases.

    Having said that though, it does seem like his behaviour is a bit strange. If I was you, I would get him to open up to you about what he's feeling down about. Let him know that you will not judge him or share anything he wants to tell you and that you will be there for him. Hopefully this will put him at ease enough for him to open up to you (especially if you guys regularly share feelings with each other).

    It's easy for me to say approach cautiously when it comes to your romantic feelings for him, because if he turns out to be straight or they are unreciprocated, you're going to land up being hurt (but I know how hard it is to put that into practice).

    All the best and let me know what happens :slight_smile:
     
  3. lim265

    Regular Member

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    i think the best thing to do is to try to open up to him during one of your talks where he feels comfortable. you could tell him that you are gay but do not tell him how you feel. then try to get him to talk to you about what is bothering him, maybe mention that you have noticed he has been acting strangely and hopefully he will talk to you. but do not be to forceful as that may just cause him to become more distant.

    i hope this all goes well.