Ok i started online dating again for the first time in a long time and after my boyfriend's death in February I feel very much ready to move on and find love again. I don't have this problem with most guys i talk to online but sometimes when i mention my boyfriend's death and that he died in February people question my mentality and if I am moving on too soon. I loved my boyfriend ad wanted to spend my life with him and in no way do I feel online dating this soon after his death is a rejection of him. Because it is not and I am more than ready to move on. So my question is how do I give people the confidence that I am emotionally healthy and ready to start something new. I know there will be some people who are super cautious about things like that and I respect that but I wouldn't be moving on unless i felt ready. I know people who a month after their partner's death started dating again not that I would move that fast but it has been about five months and I have a lot of life to live and a lot of love to give.
You could say that you've given it a lot of thought and that you're ready to get back out there. Another option is to not bring it up until you know the person a little bit better. Depending on how long you've been talking to the person, they could feel like you're bringing up a heavy subject early on and that's what's causing their concern.
That works. I usually do just what you mentioned first. I think what it is i do it without realizing it. It is just a way of letting them know i have relationship experience and than that delves into my bf's death not that that would be a problem but yeah I can try not mentioning it off hand but say i been in a few relationships without being to specific. It is just a major life event and a lot happened because of it and so it is hard to not bring it up. This is the first time a person has really expressed concern over it and i have talked to many guys online mentioning his death in a conversation and this is the first time someone really seemed concerned about it. Thanks i don't think it should that big of deal but was just wondering if i am going about the wrong way.
I'm sorry for your loss. That's really, really tough. I can't imagine. I'd stop advertising (for lack of a better word) that your soulmate is deceased. That immediately red flags into someone's mind that maybe they can't be good enough, or you're not ready to move on. If I were talking to someone and they threw that at me, I'd probably take a few steps back as well. Get to know someone, go out with them, know that you have interest in them... Then confide your past. What you went through isn't everyone's business. Find someone you truly like, express that, THEN share about your past. It's not something that you should cover like a secret, but it's also not something that every guy you have a couple online replies with should know about.
Thanks. I will just do that for the sake of trying to get to know people better. IT is just complicated cause a lot of stuff happened because of it and it is hard to work around that while trying to get to know someone. It is like i had no income, no job, and no car and had to move back home to my parents. Very unpleasant situation and it is hard because how I do explain why i live at home right now without mentioning my boyfriend's death. That is the problem and at the same time a guy may see me living at home as a red flag too. What if a guys asks why i live at home and sadly my boyfriend's death was the cause of that so how do i go around that. I could say it was just a roommate but would that be disrespectful to his memory. This is complicated for me but I will trying to use your advice but on a positive this is the first guy who actually backed off when I told him my bf died months ago. And I have been talking to many guys and this was a the first.
A budding relationship is all about getting to know each other naturally.. You've just got to let things happen, and if the relationship doesn't survive then it wasn't meant to be. However, that being said, you're allowed to avoid that topic, or just plainly say that it's complicated and you aren't ready to delve into it yet. When you feel like they can handle hearing it, you can make them privy to that information. But as I said, if a relationship doesn't survive then it wasn't meant to be.
Sounds reasonable i think no matter could happen what I am gonna go with that. This is just one guy out of the many i talked too who clearly had a problem with it. He basically shut me out but that is a part of life some people react differently to those situations.
