Hi guys, I recently decided, after being hurt by someone one too many times, and coming to a realisation that I must let go, to cut all communication with him. He has been finding every excuse to let go of me, and every time we had one of these weird fights i'd be the one to basically beg to get things back to normal. yes it's demeaning and degrading but that's how it is, I need him. I suddenly don't feel like it's going to work anymore, and maybe in an attempt to punish or to make a point, I put his number on the block list. I know he may call acting like nothing's wrong, and that usually happens when he needs something, which is an opportunity I would jump at in the past, ignoring my dignity entirely. Now I don't know if you all know, but the block function in the iPhone is pretty efficient. you will get no notification at all, and messages that are sent to you disappear and you wouldn't even know. Time to time I find myself wondering if he has actually tried to call. It's stupid, but as long as I have him on the block list, he may either have had second thoughts and tried to call, or he may not have tried to call or text at all. so in my mind it's like the title says, it's schrodinger's cat thing, his feelings for me are both alive and dead at the same time. Seeing how this will give me some illusion to hold on to, that he may be trying to call and getting the block, and that my point is being sent clear and that maybe he'd regret, I decided today to remove him from the block list, so as to make clear to myself that he doesn't care that much, and that I must move on. Now I'm sure that many of you think that I sound pretty desperate and somewhat pathetic, which I am. You'd have to be me and in my situation to understand. but I really need to do this for me, I need to move on, and it's very hard. I hope it was a right decision, but what do you all think ?
I think it was the wrong decision. I am basically in the exact same situation as you are right now. My ex and I had a huge fight months after we broke up (we had been fwb for a while in between) and it led to him blocking my on facebook. I still had to get some stuff from him because I was transferring schools and was literally never going to see him again and when I saw him he said he was drunk and high and his friend had sent me those messages and gave me his phone to unblock myself, which I did. He never accepted my friend request and I texted him a week after trying to figure out if he actually wanted to pursue a friendship and he brushed off the question and just accepted my request. As far as trans things go, I'm pretty much his best resource (he's in a very, very rural part of the midwest), so he messaged me a while ago about where to get a binder and me, being the emotional time bomb I am, blew up at him and forced us into a fight about our last fight. We calmed down and caught up a bit, I gave him information on binders, and I haven't contacted him since. I know he doesn't want me in his life. He has made that clear. He abused me for months and treated me like shit. I shouldn't want him in my life. I deserve better than him. Seeing his name on facebook's chat thing made my heart ache because all I wanted to do was message him and have everything go back to how it was. So I turned off chat for him. I can't bring myself to block him because I still care deeply about him. The best I can do is hope he eventually stops liking all my posts and he'll stop coming up on my newsfeed. I think you should reblock him. He doesn't care. I'm having the same problem you are with trying to come to terms with how you can care so deeply about somebody and have them just not give a shit about you. Moving on is hard. It takes time. I'm here to talk if you need it.
If you want to move on, why do you think about his feelings? Should your feelings come first? You've been hurt so many times, then does it really matter that he has feelings for you or not? Some small part of you still want to have a chance with this guy. It is neither right or wrong to remove him from the blocklist. Just simply never initiate contact with him. How you are going to deal with him in case he does call is the important question here. For the time being, I suggest not playing with the iPhone too much and focusing on some other activities instead.
