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Gay Men: Do You Ever Get Turned On by Your Girl Friends?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by gloomyra, Jul 2, 2015.

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  1. gloomyra

    gloomyra
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    I have a friend who for the longest time I thought was gay (he's a dude and I'm a girl). He's talked about finding men attractive before, but never shown any real interest in women.

    Recently though I've felt like he was checking me out, but just dismissed it. But we were hanging out alone together in my room one night, and he got a hard on. We weren't even touching, we were just playing a board game together. He got embarrassed and tried to hide it. Since then he won't hug me anymore, and I think it's because he's getting a boner each time.

    I came out to him as liking women recently and he seemed dissapointed when I told him. I asked him which he preferred and he said maybe men, but he didnt seem very sure. Since we've talked about it he's been acting funny.

    Do you think he's really gay? Are you ever attracted to women? I'm not a particularly masculine girl either, I'm pretty girly in fact. I feel confused by his actions right now.

    P.S. I feel like a middle schooler, but using words like "hard on" and "boner" amuses me. :grin:
     
    #1 gloomyra, Jul 2, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2015
  2. Kodo

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    If he's attracted to you, a female, but also shows attraction to other males, there's a chance he could be bisexual...
     
    #2 Kodo, Jul 2, 2015
  3. gloomyra

    gloomyra
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    I just thought it was odd because he seemed to identify more as being gay.
     
    #3 gloomyra, Jul 2, 2015
  4. resu

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    No, I'm pretty much only attracted to men.

    He could just be bisexual. If he hasn't told you, you shouldn't assume he's gay. If you feel comfortable, maybe ask him if he's ever been attracted to women. It might be hard to get a clear answer since he seems to be unsure himself.
     
    #4 resu, Jul 2, 2015
  5. Contact1111

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    I'm not gay, but I think that gay men have no attraction to women at all. If they do check out women and get aroused by it, I'd say they are not really gay at all. I'm attracted to both sexes, so I cannot really say what a "gay" man experiences. My guess would be that this particular guy just says he is gay, because he finds it easier to explain to people than being attracted to both. He probably is primarily attracted to men though, since he says he's gay.
     
    #5 Contact1111, Jul 2, 2015
  6. heart broken

    heart broken Guest

    Hi Myra
    I have a point of view that is based on my own experiences.
    This is more or less what happened to me.

    I met a guy. Gorgeous. Had to have him. Took him for myself.
    But he likes men more, he just can't be with them cus it stresses him...!?

    So when all the women came on to him, he became used to getting sex from that gender.
    Was like that for years before I met him. Having sex with another person usually requires that a person can relax. I make this man relax, and therefor he can be with me.
    So he easily betted on me. Tonight I'm waiting to see if he comes home or gets in trouble.
    I'm worried. He has been suppressing his feelings for many years now & it's not good for the mind tbh.

    My advice today is; don't be with a person, if you are not all they dream about.
    I'm pretty depressed today tho. I wouldn't give up my suppressed bi for anything in the world. I hope he's bi tho. Cus if he is gay I'm loosing him...Pfft. It's so much easier to be somebody else I'm certain.

    Good luck figuring out your little conundrum.
     
    #6 heart broken, Jul 2, 2015
  7. gloomyra

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    Well, it seems to be the reverse in my case as he is more comfortable with men it seems. Besides me I've never seen him notice any other girls.

    I don't know that I'd want to date him or not, as I thought he was gay for so long the thought hadn't even crossed my mind. If he tries to pursue me though, I guess I'll have to try and figure out whether or not I'm attracted to him, and then what to do from there.

    Sorry about your situation... I hope things work out for you guys! Have you considered an open relationship at all?

    ---------- Post added 2nd Jul 2015 at 11:50 AM ----------
    Thanks for the reply. I try not to make assumptions, but I've felt like he was hinting at it before by saying things like "I have no reason to ask a girl out" and commenting on men's appearances a lot. I know I shouldn't make assumptions, but sometimes my mind goes ahead and does it anyway.

    I tried to ask and he just said he likes who he likes. I don't want to press him further, as he seemed uncomfortable talking about it. And I'm sure I'll find out eventually. Maybe he's not sure yet himself.

    ---------- Post added 2nd Jul 2015 at 11:51 AM ----------
    Thanks for the reply. This is what I'm starting to think, but I can't be sure unless he tells me. :slight_smile:
     
    #7 gloomyra, Jul 2, 2015
  8. Vashta Nerada

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    A lot of guys that may actually be bi/pan etc. can feel a lot of pressure to come out as gay as if they're going to be out as LGBT, sometimes being gay carries the least baggage and stigma, and may seem like an easy option especially if they already have an inclination towards the same sex.
    Though yeah, if a guy is gay then he won't be attracted to the opposite sex, but that doesn't mean what he's out as necessarily matches his attraction.
    Situations like this are where labels are better done without.
     
    #8 Vashta Nerada, Jul 2, 2015
  9. MCairo

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    I've had romantic feelings before but that's it.
     
    #9 MCairo, Jul 2, 2015
  10. gloomyra

    gloomyra
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    I guess that's true. I used to tell people I was a lesbian, because it seemed easier than saying I was bi. A lot of people seem to think being bi or pan is some kind of myth. Also, I like your "labels are for jars" status. :lol:
     
    #10 gloomyra, Jul 2, 2015
  11. gloomyra

    gloomyra
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    Interesting to know. I don't know how my friend feels about me as a romantic partner, but I can say with some confidence he is attracted to me. :icon_redf
     
    #11 gloomyra, Jul 2, 2015
  12. heart broken

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    Hmm I see, I think it reminds me of my situation because I'm the only person he is comfortable with at all. That enables the flow between people, regardless that he is more attracted to men in general. I think anybody can alter the rules of relationships as long as it is consensual, but as a "gloomy, broody" type of advice; make sure all such things are clear from the start. It was unclear to me how much my s/o likes men, so I facilitated his wrong choices in a way. Simply because I want him. For myself you know?
    So it's easy to ignore that he likes men and focus on the fact that he likes me.
    Personally I got a big mess to sort out now, so I hope you build positive things out of your mutual attraction if you figure out you got feelings for him. And have a great summer, it's a great summer mystery if you ask me.
     
    #12 heart broken, Jul 3, 2015
  13. aguynamednick

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    it sounds like hes just bi mayne ask him how he feels about u. also maybe he was just thinking about a guy he likes or find cute, and now that u noticed he feels self consious.
     
    #13 aguynamednick, Jul 3, 2015
  14. guitar

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    How old is he? In your teens you get a lot of boners for no reason at all. Even if something not turning you on, sometimes you can get one, arousal really doesn't have to be a part of it.
     
    #14 guitar, Jul 3, 2015
  15. gloomyra

    gloomyra
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    That's what I was wondering, but we are in our early 20's. He's older than me. Is that too old for that to be the case? To be honest, I've never dated a guy before and have no clue about male physiology. I must have been zoned out during sex ed...

    ---------- Post added 3rd Jul 2015 at 04:49 PM ----------
    He told me he didn't know what kind of person he would fall in love with. He didn't say anything about attraction though, so I'm thinking he may just not be a very sexual person, or he isn't sure himself. We are close friends, and besides me there aren't many people he's comfortable with. But it seems like he seems more comfortable without being labeled. If somehow we got into a relationship, I guess it would be fair to bring it up though, since it's important to know where you stand with whoever you are dating. I'm still not sure how I feel about men physically, but having a good relationship is more important to me. Maybe it would be something we could figure out together. I never would have thought of it as a mystery. You make it sound fun! :lol
    Best of luck to you!
     
    #15 gloomyra, Jul 3, 2015
  16. sartorious

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    early 20 is not too old to get a random boner.
    some medical references state that late adolescent phase can last up to the age of 22. Maybe even older, but I'm not sure.

    i have to agree with previous posters about the probability that he might be Bi or Homoflexible (Kinsey 5), but you shouldn't assume any of that because only he knows what is his orientation.

    btw
    as a gay men myself, no, i never get turned on by any girl. No matter how attractive other people says, i dont see the appeal. The farthest thing that came in to my mind was "she's hot, but definitely not for me"
     
    #16 sartorious, Jul 3, 2015
  17. gloomyra

    gloomyra
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    Ok, maybe that's all then. I've only noticed it when we've been alone together, but then again I'm not monitoring his crotch. :grin:

    I don't want to make any assumptions, but I was curious to hear what other people had to say about it.
     
    #17 gloomyra, Jul 3, 2015
  18. HM03

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    Nope :slight_smile:
     
    #18 HM03, Jul 3, 2015
  19. robclem21

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    I do not... I don't get turned on my by my guy friends either... except my boyfriend... who never turns me off. lol
     
    #19 robclem21, Jul 3, 2015
  20. heart broken

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    Mmm, not admitting to himself what label he is, might be a good background for not admitting a label to you or others. Thank you and best wishes back to you :slight_smile:
     
    #20 heart broken, Jul 4, 2015
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