1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is my Fiancée going to stop finding me attractive?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Kgirl, Jul 2, 2015.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Kgirl

    Kgirl
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2013
    Messages:
    266
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am in a long-term but also long distance relationship with my American fiancée (I am British). We have been together for 2.5 years and I have applied for a US fiancée Visa so I can move in with her.

    This is my first serious lesbian relationship after a long-term unsatisfying relationship with a man. During the time I have been with my girlfriend, I have 'found myself' more as a person, including my style and fashion etc. When I was trying to live the 'straight life' I often presented more feminine, although this was never really me. Over the past few years I have been dressing and styling my hair more like I want to, rather than trying to be feminine for the sake of society. I am not butch by the way, but I like to dress kind of funky and tomboy ish.

    But my girlfriend lately has made some remarks that indicate I'm not as feminine as the person she first fell in love with, and that she is attracted to femininity. She quickly feels guilty and takes it back so as not to hurt my feelings, but it does make me worry that my true style might not be something she finds attractive. What if she resents me for it in the long term?

    I can't change myself, but I don't want to lose her. Also, when we are together in person she always seems like she is attracted to me.

    Does anyone have any experience with this or advice?
     
    #1 Kgirl, Jul 2, 2015
  2. Aspen

    Aspen
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2014
    Messages:
    1,471
    Likes Received:
    239
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You shouldn't have to change who you are for the sake of your girlfriend.

    Have you talked to her about why your style has been changing? Perhaps if you explained that you felt pressured into a more feminine style and are now dressing the way you want to and feel comfortable in, she'll be better able to understand and less inclined to make comments.
     
    #2 Aspen, Jul 2, 2015
  3. Lin1

    Lin1
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,336
    Likes Received:
    531
    Location:
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I can see both side to be honest. I am a very feminine girl attracted (mostly if not only) to very feminine girl as well. So if I had been in a long term relationship with a very feminine girl who suddenly stopped being feminine and started looking more and more masculine I would probably be a bit put off. Not necessarily to the point of breaking up but it would probably have me wonder and would very probably impact my attraction to her.

    It's very famous in straight relationships as well, women and men making an effort in their appearance for the first few years of the relationship to suddenly let go the second they are married or the minute they get too comfy in the relationship. It's a turn off for most. I know people call people who think like me shallow, but I find it delusional to think that gaining 50 lbs, stopping to shave and spending your life in sweatpants and huge shirts won't impact the libido and attraction of someone that was used to having a skinny wife who took care of herself and her appearance.

    Obviously you are not in this category as you haven't stopped looking after yourself and just chose to adapt a new wardrobe that just fits yourself and your personality more (which I find awesome by the way ) but I guess my point is that you can't undermine that it may be a problem or a deal breaker for your girlfriend, not that it's right, but it isn't wrong either as everyone has different turn off and deal breakers and it's fine.

    It's hard to let go of the person you first fell in love with even though years make us inevitably change etc... but it doesn't mean you have to adapt to her needs and force yourself into a style that don't fit you. I just believe you should have an honest and sincere talk with her about what she thinks of your style if that's a deal breaker etc... You are about to make the biggest change of your life (leaving everything to move to the US) so you have to make sure she is the right person. Good luck !
     
    #3 Lin1, Jul 2, 2015
  4. aguynamednick

    aguynamednick
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2015
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    wisconsin
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    just tell her that this is who you really are
     
    #4 aguynamednick, Jul 3, 2015
  5. lovely lesbian

    lovely lesbian
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2013
    Messages:
    3,818
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    UK
    Just tell her this is who you are she should love you for you im attracted to femme women even though I'm a tomboy and bit a femme as well hope you work things out.
     
    #5 lovely lesbian, Jul 4, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2015
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)