Today my step cousin came over and hung out with us for a while. She was supposed to leave after a few hours, but she wound up staying for dinner. No problem there. Right before the food was ready, her, my mom, my stepdad and I were just hanging out outside when my stepdad made a rather suggestive gay joke. My mom gave me a look and asked if my cousn "knew", talking about me being gay. I responded rather hastily that I didn't want that conversation right then and went inside, hoping that the subject would change if I wasn't there to comment. Instead, when I left my mom told her that I was gay. They had the whole "saw that coming conversation" while I was still inside. I'm not upset that my mom outed me, nor am I upset about the conversation they had... She's not judgemental and didn't make a big deal out of it, and it was my mother who brought it up when I came down for dinner. For some reason, I started crying a little bit and had to leave the table to collect my thoughts. I wasn't happy crying, but I didn't feel particularly sad either. When we all left the table, I was just inexplicably pissed off at my mom. I don't really know how I expect anybody to respond to this, and I'll admit that it was weird. Has anybody else felt something similar? Is it something I'll just have to get used to as I start coming out to more people? Any responses are appreciated.
Your reaction wasn't that weird at all. Your stepdad and mom outed you and that's really not on, especially after you asked for the conversation to be dropped. You have every right to feel upset and pissed off. Will it always be like this when you come out? No. There is a big difference between coming out when you are ready and being outed by someone else. When you come out you retain a certain degree of control, but when someone else outs you all of that control is gone. I'm sorry your mom did this. I would feel very much the same as you do.
yeah, i'd be pretty ticked off if someone outed me without my permission. it's disrespecting your boundaries and removing power from you. it places you in a vulnerable position and potentially forces you to have conversations you aren't emotionally ready for, which could have a negative impact on your confidence. you should be allowed to have control over who knows what and when. i'm sure your mum thought she was doing you a favour but it might be a good idea to let your parents know that it made you uncomfortable and you'd prefer to tell people about your sexuality when you're ready, not when they decide.
Thank you both for responding. I think you make good points. Even though there was no agression, I think the best way to describe it is like being cornered. I think this is probably a good place to start that conversation with them about what I'm comfortable talking about and when.
