The other day me and a bunch of my friends were standing around and somehow the topic of chat got onto a guy who we all know who recently came out as trans. Since (I thought) they were all open minded and none of them were homophobic (I came out as gay and none of them could care less) but I couldn't believe how transphobic some of the stuff they were saying was. I was told multiple times that if you had a penis you were a guy and if you had a vagina you were a girl, none of them were even a little bit open minded about the whole thing. When I questioned what they would think if I were trans they told me that 'even I had long hair and tits I would still be a guy and my name would still be the same'. Its like that conversation drew out the dark and awful side in people I trusted and loved as friends. As soon as that happened I lost much of the confidence I had to originally come out, I have been planning on coming out anyway but on that day I lost it. How should I deal with this, is it worth salvaging and saving what could be a shipwreck of a friendship(s) or should I abandon these people and find new friends? Any advice would be so very appreciated, I'm really in a moral pickle. Tl;dr: My friends are transphobic and I don't know what to do.
Well, if you're genuinely uncomfortable around them at this point, you have every right not to spend time with them anymore or consider them friends. If they're making you feel bad about yourself, they're hardly fulfilling the friendship role anyway, whether they realize it or not. However, one thing I will say - group mentality can be a powerful thing. You might try approaching some of them separately, one-on-one, and tell them that the conversation bothered you, etc. etc., and see what they say. Was it one person bringing it up? Did that person perhaps say the most hurtful things out of the bunch? Chances are, they're not the one to approach, but someone else may have been having similar thoughts as you. Hopefully, anyway! And if not, see above.
